Susskins Central Dispatch

The Human Cookie Cutter

Here are two words that are guaranteed to make your testicles retreat into your torso, even if you're a woman: Dermal Punch.

I had a strange small mole on my left shoulder. I don't really know how long it was there, as it's an area not too easily seen by me. I'm guessing a year or two, but I'm not sure.

I asked my doctor about it, and he referred me to a dermatologist. "I don't like the look of that," he said. "I'll send you to a dermatologist. He'll know what to do with it."

The dermatologist didn't like it either, and said, "let's do a biopsy on it, and then schedule you to come in and have the rest of it removed. We'll need to biopsy to tell us how much needs to come out."

So the assistant dermatology doc numbed up the site, and used a Dermal punch to remove a core sample. The Dermal punch is just what it sounds like. It's a specialized scalpel that works just like a cookie cutter. He took out a sample the diameter and LENGTH of a pencil eraser.

I naturally got all woozy at that, and had to lie down while he stitched me up. Totally creeped out. I had planned to return to work after the removal, but decided that I'd be much happier at home on the couch. I felt weird for the rest of the day.

The biopsy comes in around next Monday. If it's non-cancerous, they'll only have to remove a bit more. If it's cancerous, they'll remove significantly more. I'm betting on non-cancerous, because the little thing wasn't changing, wasn't strange colors, and wasn't ringed. It was just slightly irregular, and a rather unusual color for my skin type.

So I'll fill you in when I hear the results. No sweat, though. I'm ahead of the game.

The Lowes Matrix

We'reGettingALowesWe'reGettingALowesWe'reGettingALowes
We'reGettingALowesWe'reGettingALowesOhBoyOhBoyOhBoy
OhBoyOhBoyOhBoyOhBoy...

I'm in rapture. I've become a severely obsessive homeowner in the past four years, now that I actually own a home. I love going to the big box home centers. The Twin Cities has Home Depot and Menards, but no Lowes. (Menards is the #3 home center by sales in the US, Home Depot is #2. And Lowes is #1.) Near the Riverdale shopping center, just a skip over the Mississippi from us, is Home Depot and Menards. And in a few months, Lowes as well.

The thought is making me giddy with anticipation. I've been in one Lowes store, and have wanted one for regular shopping since then. The nearest one is in Fargo. In North Dakota, fer chrissake.

I'm having a consumer moment. I'll be hyperventilating for weeks. Put this on top of the Ikea that just opened up, and I'll explode.

Get that thing built! Now!

Pictures of me

can be found over at my dotMac site. I'll be updating them from time to time, documenting my shrinkage.

I gotta long way to go to get my butt on them elusive Inverted coasters. And when I say "long way", I mean "two years or so".

Ugly is as ugly does

Beavis lives!

I think there's a chromosomal mismatch thing going on here. And/or a significant amount of Meth. Though maybe his looks are improved by the leopard hat and scarf.

Results not typical

New entry at Project Fatboy. You really should check it out. It's been an interesting week for me, weight-wise.

Evil Incarnate

Chocolate cheesecake made by your's truly, following the frightening recipe of a well-known conservative troublemaker.

I suspect lots o' trouble at work tomorrow, when I unleash this baby.

Movie Heaven

Netflix arrives

Two new entries from Netflix in the mailbox.

1) Die Mommie Die - A strange Hollywood thriller starring Charles Busch as a big female singer. I love cheap comedy with drag. This is the followup to Psycho Beach Party, where Charles Busch played a big female cop.

2) Firefly (disc 2) - The lamented Fox series from Joss Whedon that was cancelled after ten episodes had shown. I'd never seen it on television. Now that it's out on DVD, it's being given a second life. Fred and I watched the first disc, and really enjoyed it. It's a Space Western, full of excellent characters and great dialogue. Whedon is currently filming Serenity, a Firefly movie. I'm looking forward to that.

A bit of viewing excellence this weekend, should the outdoors turn into a blazing inferno. Which doesn't seem likely, given the weirdly chilly Summer we've had so far.

I'm so sorry

No, I'm not.

Have you checked out Moore is Fat yet? You really need to. We all need to be exposed to the fact that Michael Moore is nothing more than a big quivering tub of goo armed with a camera.

Heck, I've even contributed. So go enjoy the absolutely juvenile humor at fatty's expense.

Site courtesy of Steve at Hog On Ice.

Independence Day

Happy Fourth of July!

A cheap laugh

Cybersex gone wrong.

I laughed until my lungs collapsed. This was just what I needed.

Not safe for work, in a textual sort of way.

The Universe is in balance

I was going to write a review of Fahrenheit 9/11, but I got stuck deciding between "fact-raping planetoid" and "gravy-retaining blamethrower" and never finished.

Jim Treacher is my hero.