Susskins Central Dispatch

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Rita's Grandson was run over by a riding mower yesterday. Sounds like he's going to be okay, but for now he's in the hospital.

The little guy's father is in Japan. (He's in the Navy, it appears.)

I think Rita needs a little blog style lovin'. Head over there and leave her a kind word in her comments. No Grandmother should have to see her Grandson in such a condition. Your words will help, I think.

And then send mental slaps to the tard that carelessly ran him over. Assnugget.

Seven Annoying Slang Terms

1. Mad Skillz - You sound like an idiot. Mad Skillz is what I use when I'm slapping you for being an idiot.

2. Fo Shizzle - Fo shutup. And while you're at it, stop talking about hizzohs. Christ, that's more annoying than "J to the L. O.", and that's saying a lot.

3. Playah - Pimp culture. Gee. What aspirations you have. Now stop it.

4. Know what I'm sayin'? - Yes, unfortunately. If I had the power, I'd tune you out. But you're usually too busy waving your hands around like a spaz. Makes it impossible to ignore your ignorant ass. Know what I'm sayin'?

5. Dawg - Cut to the chase. Use Dork instead. It's just as intelligent, and drops the "I'm dangerous" deceit that none of us believe anyway.

6. Shout Out - Whenever I hear someone giving a Shout Out, I think about what a stain they are on the fabric of humanity. "How do you get a human stain out?"

7. Eminem - Speaks for itself, doesn't it?

Dirty Politics, Part 2

The Slutpublican Campaign is off and running. I'm lobbying for a position in both the Presidential and Backroom Cabinets.

I think just a few more naughty innuendos and I'll have the nominations sewn up.

Politics makes me feel so dirty...

Michele has been stirring the shit with her trolls, and is branching out into politics. She's officially come out as a Slutpublican. I personally find myself having more Slutertarian leanings, but that's just me.

Friday Five

Today's Friday Five:

1. What was the last TV show you watched?
Some piece of anonymous dreck on HGTV. I'm pretty sure it was "House Hunters", but I could be wrong. So many of them are the same.

2. What was the last thing you complained about?
The fact that everyone keeps dying. I'm getting tired of losing friends and family. I'd like a break from attending funerals, thank you.

3. Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say?
Fred, just now. I told him he was eloquent. He was describing what he had said to a woman who had asked him if he had found Jesus yet.

4. What was the last thing you threw away?
A pop can at work. Dr Pepper. I would hazard a guess that three out of five pop cans I discard are Dr Pepper cans. I'm a Dr Pepper fan to the point of knowing that there's no period after the "Dr".

5. What was the last website (besides this one) that you visited?
The ever sassy Rita's blog, located here. I like Rita. She's alternately kind and mouthy.

My big-ass footprint

Earth Day Footprint Quiz

5.9 planets. Take that, Greenies! I will DEVOUR you all...

Dammit, I wanted to be Ackbar

Take the "Which FARK Cliche Are You" quiz!

Another loss

Yesterday (April 21st) we lost our dear friend Jeannette Higgins.

J was a grand lady, with a saucy tongue and lots of great stories. We heard about the man who mistook her for a prostitute, the hobnail glasses she threw at her husband, and her job with Captain Billy's Whiz Bang. (Fans of "The Music Man" might recognize that name.) She sang Irish tunes, and told bawdy jokes. (Not dirty jokes, mind you, bawdy ones.)

We shared meals with her, and shots of Bailey's Irish Creme. I baked her a Pumpkin Pie once, which pleased her no end. She gave us one of our favorite Christmas tree ornaments, a small gold package with a crystal in the center. She laughed at our jokes, kissed us, and made sure we had enough to eat when we dined with her.

The very first time I met her, we picked her up for a trip over to her daughter's place. She sat in the back behind me, and told me my head was too big and it was blocking her view. Did I mention saucy?

Jeannette was a force, and a wonder, and we're going to miss her very much.

Now, everybody quit dying until I catch my breath. Okay?

Middle Earth

Elvish


To which race of Middle Earth do you belong?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wet

Minnesota is wet. The basement is wet. The cats are dry.

Fred is finally seeing the things that I love about cats. Today he was applying a sticky paws strip to the chair. It's essentially double-sided tape. Designed to annoy cats so that they won't scratch the furniture.

Ted was helping him by biting at the strip and attacking the curled up backing. Fred got the strip in place. Ted immediately picked at the strip with his teeth, got hold of the bottom, and pulled the whole thing off and ran away with it. Fred collapsed in laughter and frustration.

Tonight while we were watching television, Rose cuddled up with us. Fred was mocking her by singing the Meow Mix song. She turned to him and gave him a curt little meow, and then turned away. The tone was unmistakably "shut up." We both got the giggles.

Cats kick ass.

Gak

My sister Lynn recommended Linkin Park to me. (She had reacted to a statement I made about 18 months ago, deploring current music. I had used them as an example, but had never listened to them.)

Well, now I can say I've listened to them. Fred found some of their work for me, and I dumped it into my iPod. It's being dumped right back out again.

Linkin Park sucks. Sucks dead mules. Sucks worse than Limp Bizkit, and that's saying a whole helluva lot.

I dislike rap metal. I dislike "Nu" metal. I dislike wanker lyrics. They have all this in spades. Criminy, what boring, pointless dreck.

I'll go back to my Megadeth, thanks. Dave Mustaine is much more fun than these twits.

I love you, Lynn. But your taste in music makes me shake my head.

Kitties

Vet visit went great. Cooperative cats, even during the icky thermometer moment. Ted has waxy buildup in his ears. (I've got to switch to Lemony Pledge, I guess.) They both got rabies shots and distemper boosters. All in all, it went well. We're well pleased with the vet here in Champlin. The animal hospital was highly recommended by our neighbors, and it has paid off.

Two very tired kitties tonight. I think they'll be uncharacteristically quiet. Shots take it out of you, you know.

Oh, and there are no nighttime bed skirmishes. Cats are banned from the bedroom while we're sleeping. Neither one of us fancies waking up with a cat butt on our face.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Are you hep...

Are You Hep To The Jive?

Kevin Parrott runs a little cultural corner full of commentary, pointless ramblings, and great synopses of Survivor: Amazon. Do you love Survivor? You should read his dissections of the politics.

Do you hate Survivor? You should read his dissections of the politics.

Honestly, I love Survivor. But Kevin's Survivor: Dumbass postings are damned funny.

Wanna try 'em? Start here.

The Undying Horror

Stop Them Before They Film Again. If you have any love of classic films, and detest Jennifer Lopez like I do, you'll go here and add your voice in an attempt to stop cinematic abomination.

When will the madness end?

Link courtesy of the ever spikey Rita of Res Ipsa Loquitur.

Kitty Security

One other thing I forgot to mention; we found out the hard way that the cats are not compatible with the Alarm system's motion detectors. We were off flying a kite (a red triplane, no less,) when Fred got a call about the alarm going off.

So now we'll need to get that adjusted. This cat thing is complicated.

Feline Detente

Kitty Unification has been successful.

Today, Ted was released from Feline Upper Respiratory Quarantine. Rose was released from Get Used To The House House Arrest. They met for the first time in the living room.

Much sniffing ensued, and then the chase began. A slow motion, OJ Simpson chase. It turns out that Ted is a stalker, and feels the need to follow Rose everywhere she goes. Rose views Ted as a bit of a pest, and always seems to be looking for a way to get away from him. No animosity, just a sigh as she walks away.

It's rather cute, actually. She's taken a couple of bats at him, but no claws and no hissing. He's just sure that they're best friends, and she's sure that he's a total stranger.

I suspect that he will win her over.

In the meantime, they're adjusting well. Rose eats like a heifer, and Ted snacks lightly. They're both vocal, burbling and trilling in every room.

Fred is alternately delighted and stressed. This is the first time he's ever had pets. He's very protective of them both, and is doing well in a mother hen kind of way.

It's fun to watch.

Holidays in Hell

Not everything about our trip to Denver was bad. One of the good things about someone's death is that it reminds us to live. So we did. In style.

Yes, they still exist. Holiday Inns with Seventies decor.

Care to see more?

Ain't it pretty? It's like a polyester paradise.

All that greenery, and all that blue concrete.

Though I must admit, sometimes it did get to me.

Introducing Rose

Formerly known as Bella, this active girlie is now known as Rose. (No, not named after you, Aunt Rose.) She really goes for Toms with big muscles and fast cars, and also digs catnip. A lot. Too much, in fact. Rose is a stoner. But she's pretty, ain't she?

Introducing Ted

Here's the young man himself. Meet Ted, a tabby with appeal. Ted has all his claws, and keeps himself well groomed. He likes chicken, dislikes medication, and doesn't travel well. Good thing he doesn't have to travel much, then. Ted, also known as "Tedley", will not be making time with the ladies, as most ladies do not fancy eunuchs.

Mike

My brother Mike died Monday afternoon. His liver failed.

Even at the end, he was still Mike. I got to see him when he was lucid, and I was with him when he left us. Mike was only 49.

He had a cultivated gruff exterior, but inside he was the kindest man you could ever hope to meet. He had a snarky sense of humor, and he had a goofy giggle that all his friends and family have heard time and again.

His pickup was a traveling tool box, and also a traveling garbage can. His hands were always greasy, and his pickup would only obey his commands. He was simple, unpretentious, and a great guy.

Where once were seven, now are only six. Six that are under strict orders from Mom to not die until she's gone.

I love you, Mike, and I'll miss you. I hope you and Dad are getting caught up.

Abrupt departure

Ted the cat has been returned to the shelter. Fred and I are off to Denver, as my brother Mike is seriously ill, and likely to depart this world fairly soon.

I'll be absent for the next couple of days. Please visit the fine folks I have listed in my blogroll.

The family grows

There's a new member of the Susskins family. Ted the cat is hiding under the bed in the guest bedroom.

Ted will be joined soon by some other lucky member, depending on how long it takes to find a suitable companion. We're waiting on Bella, a female who's on hold for someone else until tomorrow. If they decide not to take her, we're gonna get her.

Ted is a gray striped tabby, and a complete mooch. At present he's freaked out. (The trip home in the box was sheer torture.)

Pictures will follow, as soon as he's comfortable enough to come out from under the bed.

Ouch

Busy day. And now I have a headache. Musta been the butter.

I went to a pet landscaping seminar this morning. No, not how to get your pet to pitch in with the gardening; doing landscaping that's pet friendly.

Not that we have pets.

This was followed by a trip to the Ford dealer, to try a bunch of cars that I can't fit into.

Then a trip to Wright county to visit a couple of pet shelters. Fred fell in love with Ruthie, a husky/chow/retriever mix. An absolutely sweet dog, but an unbelievable shedder. It may sound shallow, but we have to have a short-haired dog. We'll never be able to put up with all the hair of a long-haired dog.

Then back into the Cities to the Golden Valley Animal Shelter. Two cats caught our eyes. Milo, a fantastically fluffy gray with the personality of royalty, and Bella, a mottled tabby with a nice mix of sweetness and attitude. Alas, we've decided that we're going to start with dogs and move on from there. So Milo and Bella are destined for other houses.

Then back to the house for a quick nap (for Fred) and off again. Where? To Red Lobster for a belated birthday dinner for me. Lots of big bugs and melted butter.

Got home at about seven. Haven't done much since then. Now my head hurts.

It's been a good day.

Tomorrow? A long hard look at fencing, and also the beginning of dog-proofing the house. Looks like a couple of scent-hounds in our near future. Followed by felines, so that I can put up some of those ridiculous catwallks.

What are we getting into?

They've got me pegged

Pussy Redux

Now this is silly.

I challenge you, Laurence. Find something sillier in the cat world.

Link via Joanie, also known as Da Goddess.

Yes, I know

Yes, it could be a 4/1 joke courtesy of the Fark folks.

One would think they could come up with something better. Regardless of whether it was real or crap, it was annoying.

It's back

Good thing I don't need Boobies...

Fark still Hacked

Sigh.

UPDATE:
Dear Farkers,
This entry, like the previous one, is from 2003. Comments are closed, because you knobs don't seem able to figure that out.

Fark Hacked

As of 7:10 PM Central time, the Fark main page is covered with pictures of Hamsters and script kiddie drivel.

Even the mighty Fark falls victim to lame crap.

UPDATE:
Dear Farkers,
This entry is from 2003. Settle down.

Pussy

I want these.

All you cat haters can go fuck yourselves. Cats are FUN. And the only non-primate animal that can give you the finger.

Link via Laurence at Amish Tech Support.