Timewarp, if you will, back to December, 1994. "Windows 95" was merely an ugly rumor, "Hammer" still had a career, and Paramount studios, in a blatant attempt to add another cash car to the Star Trek money train, unleashed the movie: "Star Trek: Generations". It turned out to be a film bereft of any original ideas at all, and suffered from the same problem so many "Next Generation" episodes had; that is, the ending was pre-determined (Kirk must die in order to neuter the original cast out of any more motion pictures), so all events leading up to the ending seem especially forced and uninspired. We watched both Data and Picard break down and cry. Troi steered the Enterprise-D into the side of a planet. Kirk died in the worst death scene of all time. This movie completely sucked the momentum out of Star Trek and left the motion picture portion of the franchise in limbo.
Who the hell cares, you may ask? Well, the Savela brothers do slightly and as a result we have endeavored to rewrite this sorry little piece of history (besides, we have some extra time while watching Voyager get its ass handed to it in another battle). We have even added a new life form to the next generation crew that may appear again in the future as an exciting recurring role. So sit back, kick up your feet and set your phaser on fun as we bring you:
[Music plays; credits role. Next, we have an external view of the Enterprise-D drifting through open space. A voice is heard.....)
Picard: "Captain's log, stardate 9724.85. It is my seventh year as master of this fine vessel and I couldn't be more pleased with the performance of my ship and crew. In fact, my bridge crew is so perfectly suited in their positions that none of them have had a meaningful promotion since we set out. I must be doing something right....."
[ Fade in and pan around Enterprise D bridge. Data is receiving and decoding mission orders from Starfleet, Worf is asleep at his post, Wesley has a silly grin on his face, his mother is busy applying lipstick, and Riker is polishing off a foot long chili dog with onions and sweating profusely. Picard enters.]
Picard: "Mr. Data, please brief us on our next assignment."
Data: "We have been ordered to negotiate a peace treaty with a race of beings called the "Remmahoids". Relations with them up to this point have been inflamed at best, but their government is now itching to sooth the burning tempers of the people and there has been a swelling of support to shrink the hostility. With careful preparation......"
Picard: "That will do for now, Mr. Data. "
Riker: "Cap'n,the galley is out of cottage cheese again."
Picard: "Very well. I surrender. You have the bridge, number one."
Troi: "I am feeling your pain, Captain."
Picard: "Yeah, the damn hemorrhoids are acting up something fierce."
Dr. Crusher: "I'll be happy to take a look at those again, Captain."
Picard: "And I thought your son was a pain in the ass."
Crusher: (in sick bay, Picard is in the stirrups) "Your DNA is literally being rewritten."
Picard: "Ouch! Dammit Beverly, be careful down there!"
Crusher: "Quiet down, Jean-Luc. Just be glad you don't have an on and off switch jammed in there like Mister Data has. Oops--that was a secret."
Picard: "Blech--so that's why we always find him deactivated in Riker's quarters."
Riker: (over the intercom) "Captain! We have an emergency! The food replicators have gone off line! There seems to be a power drain. I suggest that we drop out of warp and jettison the core, and maybe the Klingon, too."
Picard: "Make it so. And leave some cottage cheese for the rest of the crew this time, tubs."
(Suddenly, an old starship appears out of a misty cloud--you know, like you've seen in SEVERAL episodes...)
Riker: "Shields UP"
Wesley: "ACCCK! Please don't yell in my ear like that, sir. I just wet my uniform."
Riker: "ok...what's my other line . . . red alert?? . . . no, not yet . . . oh yeah! Cap'n Picard to the Bridge!"
Data: "It's an old federation star ship...call signs NCC-17 . . .
On the other ship...
Spock: " . . . 01D, Uss Enterprise...and if I had emotion, I would have to say, that's one butt ugly ship."
Kirk: "That's damned peculiar . . . yellow alert. Sulu, target its main defense system. Scotty, get ready for some action. Ensign, get to my cabin and undress."
NCC-1701D
Picard: "Data, punch up some cool graphics, Riker, take a shower, Wesley, gain 50 pounds, Troi, for GOD'S SAKE JUST SHUT UP"
(Wesley runs out, crying...urine steams from his station.)
Troi: "Look at Wesley's station captain...could it be a new life form?"
Picard: "Initiate transfer of command to the yellow stain at Wesley's station"
Data: "It appears to be a puddle of urine"
Picard: "Belay that last order"
NCC-1701
Kirk: "Hail them, lieutenant. Lets ... play ... friends ... for now"
NCC-1701D
Worf: "They're hailing us, sir"
Picard: "Tell them we surrender!"
Worf: "Now there's something I wouldn't expect a French guy to say..."
Riker: "Would it be OK if I were to gain the 50 pounds and Wesley takes a shower?"
Troi: "Is there anything I can do, captain"
Picard: "I've been asking that for years."
Worf: "They're hailing again..."
Picard: "On screen"
(three minutes pass)
Picard: "I said, ON SCREEN!"
Data: "I regret that I cannot comply. All communication systems are off line!"
Picard: "Run a level three diagnostic. Engage (little hand thingy)."
Riker: "Sorry Cap'n; I forgot to mention this earlier ... "
Picard: "Mention ... "
Riker: "Yes. I had communications and all other non-essential systems taken off line and re-routed the power to the food replicators. After all, tonight is rib night."
Picard: "Very well. Prepare for an emergency meeting, in my ready room, in one hour. In the mean time, Troi change your hairstyle, Riker, take another shower, Data, continue to attempt communications with the yellow stain. I suspect that it may hold all the answers that we've been looking for. I'll be in Holodeck Three."
(Meanwhile, back on NCC-1701)
Uhura: "No reply to our hail, Sir."
Kirk: "That's very odd. Sensor scan, Mr. Spock."
Spock: "Already underway. Definite signs of life onboard that 'ship'."
Kirk: "Intelligent life?"
Spock: "Doubtful."
Kirk: "Analysis."
Spock: "Preliminary analysis suggests that we've encountered beings which for unknown reasons have attempted to recreate our ship--at least in name."
Kirk: "Speculate. Possible purpose."
Spock: "We do know from our scans that at least 90% of their power reserves are devoted to maintaining their food supply."
Scotty: "I volunteer to be beamed over immediately to investigate."
Spock: ". . . as I was saying, I suspect it is a ship used for transporting livestock; or perhaps it is a garbage scow."
Kirk: "It's too ugly to be a garbage scow. Still, they should have answered the hail. Tactical analysis, Mr. Sulu."
Sulu: "Sir, all defensive systems on that ship appear to be non-functional. Also, she appears to be adrift."
Kirk: "Stand by all weapons systems. Arm the photon torpedoes. Hail them again!"
NCC-1701D
Worf: "They're hailing us again. You know, if this were a Klingon ship, we would have taken their ship and had them for dinner by now."
Data: "That seems unlikely given that every fight you've ever gotten into, you've lost and cried like a girl until your opponent left in disgust."
(Worf runs out of the bridge crying)
(Wesley comes into the bridge, smiling (bleah))
Wesley: "I'm sorry everyone"
Everyone: "oooooh, He's so cute."
Data: "I'm sorry, Wes. The yellow life form at your station appears to have died."
(Wesley runs out of the bridge crying)
Riker: "Mfftr Daada ... Dooo youthhinkk dautherffp itth dathfffff?"
Data: "Commander, you are not only making no sense, you have covered me in cottage cheese"
Riker: (swallowing) " Sorry Mr Data, I was wondering if you think the other ship is dangerous."
Data: "Well, it has raised it's shields and locked phasers and photon torpedoes"
Riker: "Red Alert!!! Why haven't they tried to contact us???"
NCC-1701
Spock: "We have downloaded their entire system memory. They are the Federation ship USS Enterprise, built seventy years from now."
Kirk: "Spock, have you ... gone ... mad?"
McCoy: "Computers can't go mad Jim."
Spock: "Why, thank you, doctor"
Kirk: "Alright Spock, explain"
Spock: "I have run a program to calibrate the date and time on this ship with the date and time from Starfleet. We apparently have been transported seventy years into the future."
Kirk: "Are you sure??? Or is this a p-p-p-p-par-al-lel universe?"
Spock: "We should try to talk to them"
Kirk: "Tried that. Didn't work. Mr Sulu ... "
Sulu: (deeply) "Aye."
Kirk: "Try to lock in on one of their crew members"
Sulu: "You know, I would make a great captain"
Kirk: "I don't know what just rumbled out of your mouth, but you're shaking up the whole ship"
NCC-1701D
Data: "I have downloaded our entire food supply into hangar deck five"
Riker: "Data, you have the bridge, transporter room, emergency transport to hangar deck five"
NCC-1701
Chekov: "Kapteen, Day are traannsporting a wember of their crew to a hangaar deck. AHHHHHHHH!"
McCoy: "Chekov, what's the matter"
Chekov: "Sorry, doktor, I had an eeeeech."
McCoy: "Well, scratch it and stop that damn screeming"
Chekov: "Scratching...Awaaaaaaaaaaay"
Kirk: "Scotty, intercept that transport and bring that crew member to transporter room one."
Scotty: "Aye, sir. It's a pretty big mass. We may burn out the transporter"
Kirk: "Do it. We ... don't ... have ... much ... time."
Spock: "Why?"
Kirk: "I have an ensign in my cabin, remember?"
Kirk: "McCoy, Spock, you're with me. Mr Scott, you have the conn"
NCC-1701D
Troi: (to anyone who will listen) " ... and that's why I never went on to get my Masters Degree."
Ensign Ro: "Commander Data, Riker never materialized in the hangar deck!"
Data: "Please verify if he is still on board this ship."
Ro: "Negative. There has been a 7% drop in mass aboard the Enterprise."
Data: "I'm going to the transporter room. Ensign Ro, take the bridge. Counselor, please sit in Ensign Ro's seat near the helm control. Just try to look good and PLEASE don't touch anything." (Data runs off the bridge crying)
(Ensign Ro takes command as Troi plops into the helm control seat. Just as she sits down she decides to adjust her bra strap--which is strange since she's obviously not wearing one. This causes her to bump her elbow on the helm control console. The Enterprise D suddenly lurches ahead with a mighty wallow!)
Troi: "What's a helm?"
(Suddenly, Troi realizes that she is in emotional AND physical contact with the urine puddle she's sitting on. She runs off the bridge crying.)
NCC-1701
Chekov: "Meester Scott! The other Sheep has actiwated impulse engines. It's on a collision course with our sheep!"
Scott: "Activate repulsor beam. Full strength."
(The repulsor beam sends the thundering bulk on a spiraling course into the distance. It finally disappears from view)
Scotty: "Mr. Sulu, one half impulse power ahead. We need to keep a fix on the garbage scow so we can beam that crew member off of our ship before dinner time."
Meanwhile, in the transporter room...
Riker: "Where am I? Where is the food supply? The ribs? WHERE ARE THE RIBS?"
Kirk: "Pipe down, fat boy. We intercepted your transporter signal. Now we need some answers. How did we end up in the future?"
Riker: "You'll get no information from me. I know better than to contaminate the time line. I also happen to be a master negotiator. Now I demand ... !"
Kirk: "You are in a position to demand nothing. Spock, any ideas on how we can crack this flatulent blubber bag?"
Spock: "Not a problem, Captain. I doubt that a mind meld would yield much useful information, but I suspect that a simpler approach will suffice."
2.5 minutes later ...
Riker: "Small curd or large?"
McCoy: "My God, man! You would risk changing the past in exchange for these old Rigel-3 nudie magazines and some cottage cheese?"
Riker: "I told you I am a master negotiator. Now, small curd or large?"
Kirk: "Bones--go get him the cheese. We don't have much time. Spock ... get the answers we need. I'll be in my cabin for at least ten minutes."
NCC-1701D, Ready Room
Picard: "I've called this meeting to notify you all of the funeral service being held in holodeck three."
Troi: "Then Riker is presumed dead?"
Picard: "Riker? Well, gee, I suppose he may be. However, today's service will be held for the yellow stain that died heroically on the bridge earlier today. Dismissed. Reassemble immediately in holodeck three."
Holodeck Three
Picard: "We are gathered here today to bid farewell to the yellow life form, 'Stinky,' that Wesley discovered on the bridge. Wesley, since you served closely with him, perhaps you should say a few words."
Wesley: "Uh, well, O.K. Stinky was the best friend I ever had. He was funny, warm, ... " (Wesley suddenly wets his pants and runs out screaming, leaving Picard alone in the holodeck)
Picard: "The gathering is concluded."
NCC-1701, Security Room 3 (looks a lot like all of the other rooms!)
Spock: "Scotty, we need more cottage cheese."
Scotty: (on intercom from bridge) "Mr Spock! we just don't have the powwwwer. It'll take at least 2 hours to make any more"
Spock: "Mr Scott, the captain asked us to get the information as soon as possible. We need the cheese in two minutes."
Scotty: "Alright, Ull see what Ah ca do." (switches off intercom) "Bogus fratt."
(Two minutes later, cottage cheese starts flowing into Rikers mouth)
Spock: (pushes intercom button) "Captain Kirk to security room 3!"
NCC-1701D, ready room.
Picard: "It has come to my attention that (Picard adjusts shirt part of uniform) we have lost Commander Riker and are spinning wildly out of control! Tea, Earl Grey, hot!" (drink slides out of replicator.)
Dr Crusher: (clipping roses) "I think, Jean Luc, that you are doing a wonderful job. Bloody Mary!" (Drink slides out of replicator.)
Wesley: "I think we've identified what happened to Commander Riker. Shirley Temple!" (drink...)
LaForge: "After we recalibrated the monicor replusator, we noticed that minute strands of subspace residue existed on the transporter core. We were able to trace this back to a neutron pulse that existed on a sixth dimensional wavelength originating from Ceti Alpha Six. Therefore, we believe that Commander Riker was accidentally transported into space and is now a small planet. I have more cool graphics to explain this, if you want to see them. Colt 45!" (drink...)
Data: "I find Geordi's theory to be incorrect. 5W-30!" (motor oil...)
Picard: "Explain!"
Data: "I checked the transporter logs. They report that Commander Riker's transport into hangar deck five was intercepted by the unidentified alien ship."
Picard: "Then we have a new problem. Troi, did you sense any hostility from the other ship"
Troi: "What's hostility? 36-D!" (bra slides out of replicator)
Wesley: "I just wet myself."
Picard: "Never mind. (stands up again, adjusts shirt) We must first regain control of our ship. Then we will try to contact the other ship. Dismissed!"
(Everyone leaves except for Worf)
Worf: "Captain, should we change the computer codes? They may be able to crack Commander Riker."
Picard: "What codes? Riker? I am Locutus of Borg."
Worf: "You know, the ones that lock out other ships from gaining access to our computers!"
Picard: "Trust me Lieutenant, Riker can not be cracked! Engage! (little hand thingy)"
NCC-1701, Security Room 3
Riker: "...and the code key for the Enterprise D is Picard-1...we didn't think anyone could crack that one."
Kirk: (aside to Spock) "I don't know if we can trust this information. It comes out too easily, and no captain could be as gutless and stupid as this Pick Hard fellow."
Spock: "I do not believe that this man has the intelligence to lie to us. Yet, I think further cross examination is in order."
(McCoy walks in)
McCoy: "My GOD! Get this man to sick bay...he's about to explode."
Kirk: "Now hold on, doctor. We need to cross examine him to verify that he's been telling us the truth."
(A giant blast rocks the ship)
McCoy: "MY GOD! Flatulation!"
Kirk: "Get out ... it's ... toxic!!!!"
(McCoy, who is standing in the door, is pushed out of the room by Kirk. Kirk and Spock fall to the ground (Spock falls first). Two red shirt security guards burst into flames. Riker, immune to the deadly gasses, waddles out of the holding cell. Seconds later, Kirk regains consciousness, grabs Spock and drags him to safety.)
Kirk: (into the intercomm) "Kirk to McCoy! What's happening?"
McCoy: "Jim. I think you'd better get down here. Better..hurry."
Kirk: "Something must have happened to the prisoner! Spock...let's get to sickbay!"
Sickbay
McCoy: "Clear!" [ ZAP! ] (the patient flails)
Chapel: "No pulse at all, Doctor!"
McCoy: "Dammit! Nurse! Three cc of Cordrazine! Stat!
Chapel: "Doctor, I think we're too late."
McCoy: "Nonsense! Inject the medicine! Clear, dammit!" (Chapel complies) [ ZAPP! ] (the patient flops)
Chapel: "No pulse!"
McCoy:" Again, dammit! Increase to lethal voltage! Clear!" [KRA-ZAPP@!]
Chapel: "No result! Maybe we should call in Doctor M'Benga!"
McCoy: "Forget it! That Quack doesn't know bourbon from beans! Now there's an explosive combination! Clear! [ SIS-KA-BOOM-BA-DOOM!]
(Kirk and Spock enter)
Kirk: "What's going on in here?"
Chapel: "Doctor McCoy's heart stopped again!"
Kirk: "Spock! Help the doctor get his blood pressure up!" [ ZAPP! ]
Spock: "It would be illogical to assume that my skills as a science officer could serve to replace the inept ministrations of an 'old country doctor'."
McCoy: "Why you @#&%& green-blooded hob-gobblin.....!
Chapel: "Hey, it worked! I've found a pulse."
Kirk: "Bones? Are you alright? You took quite a bit of voltage."
McCoy: "Happy birthday Jim!"
Kirk: "It's.....not....my.....birthday."
McCoy: "Dammit, Jim, what the hell's the matter with you? Other people have birthdays, so why are we treating yours like a damned funeral? Whoops. [ ZAPP! ] Row, row, row your boat, gently........"
Kirk:(McCoy continues singing) "Spock! If the prisoner is not here...
Spock: "He's escaped. He must not be allowed free access to the Enterprise."
Scotty: (over intercom) "Keptin! We have an emergency in engineering! It's the prisoner!"
Kirk: "Nurse Chapel...sedate the doctor until he sings on key. Spock, meet me in engineering with two more red-shirts."
Engineering section
(Kirk enters to a foul odor and moans of perverse delight)
Kirk: "My God, Scotty! What happened?"
Scotty: "Well, I kenna be sure, but I think the prisoner has somehow used the transporter to fuse himself with a food replicator!"
Kirk: "Good lord...Spock..is that possible?"
Spock: "Tricorder readings indicate that what we are seeing is a true fusion of glutton and machine."
Kirk: "Have we just witnessed the birth of a new life form?"
Spock: "I truly hope not. At this rate of energy consumption, our reserves will be depleted in less than two hours. Also, his expanding bulk will overtake engineering in roughly twenty minutes."
Kirk: "Then we've got to get him out of there!"
Riker: Wait! No! If you do, I'll,....I'll,....(belch)..die!"
Spock: "And how do you know that?"
Riker: "Well,...(burp)...I just do, okay?"
Kirk: "We don't have any choice but to try. If we don't cut him off, he'll destroy us! I'll go to the transporter room and try to beam him out. Spock, Scotty, you stay here and monitor."
Scotty: "Oh, joy."
Kirk (in transporter room) "Initiating transport. It's working...wait! I can't get a complete lock! The transporter can't tell were the machine ends and the blubber begins!"
Spock: "I'll dislodge him manually". (Spock goes in)
Scotty: "Spock! Get out of there! Spock! No, don't!" (Spock comes out)
Spock: "Whew! Forget it. Captain, I'd suggest that we beam him back to his ship complete with the replicator. Let them deal with him."
Kirk: "Excellent idea, Spock. Transport complete. I connected him to their main power grid so he won't starve."
NCC-1701D
Data: "We've regained control of the ship, sir."
Worf: "Captain! The alien vessel is directly ahead."
Picard: "On screen!"
beep beep beep
Worf: "Captain! Something has been transported to our engine room. We have also increased mass by 12%."
Ro: "I thought they couldn't beam through our shields!"
Picard: "Shields? Where's the moron who orders the shields to be raised?"
On intercom: "LaForge here...Captain, we have a problem..."
Picard: "Explain!"
On intercom: "I think you need to see this firsthand."
Picard: "Very well. Troi, you have the conn!" (Picard jumps into the turbo lift and is off...)
Troi: "I'm going to the prom?"
Engineering
LaForge: "...just take it easy, commander."
(Picard walks in)
Picard: "What is it Mr...AHHH! we surrender! we surrender!"
LaForge: "It's OK captain. This is Commander Riker. He's been merged with some sort of food replicator."
(Picard, huddled in the fetal position in the corner, takes his hands away from his face and looks.)
Riker: "Shields UP!"
Picard: "My God. Could this be ... some sort of ... new life form?"
Riker: "Red Alert!"
Laforge: "Capt'n! Listen to me! This is not a new form of life; it's just a larger form of life. And...he's growing."
Picard: "Explain!"
Laforge: "The food replicator is drawing our warp power to keep him fed. At this rate of consumption........"
Picard: "I get the point. Initiate the self-destruct sequence."
Laforge: "I don't think that will be necessary. I can rig up a way for him to plug into any 'ODN' conduit so he only consumes energy when he needs it. That should work until we figure out how to remove that replicator."
Picard "Make it so."
...Two hours later - Captain's ready room.....
Riker: ".....it was brutal, sir. They tortured me, taunted me, and deprived me of sustenance. It's a miracle I didn't crack. Burp."
[Data enters]
Picard: "Ah! Thank you for coming, Mr. Data. Commander Riker has requested your presence for an emergency debriefing in his quarters immediately."
Data: "(Gulp)."
NCC-1701
Kirk: "Mr Sulu, send a torpedo across their bow."
Sulu: "Aye."
(a photon torpedo screams in front of the 1701-D)
NCC-1701D
Troi: "ooh! What a pretty star!"
Worf: (calmly) Alert status, sir?"
Troi: "Sir? Sir? Do I LOOK like I'm a man? You have some very big problems."
Worf: (perturbed) "It is a StarFleet regulation to call all superior officers 'Sir'"
Troi: "I knew that."
Worf: (growing more angry) "Alert status, sir?"
Troi: "Oh, I don't know. How about, mildly upset but not too angry"
Worf: (growling) "You have to choose yellow or red."
Troi: "Hmmmm, I don't look too good in red..."
Worf: (just plain nuts) "AAAARRGH!" (He runs at Troi, who side steps the charging razorback. Worf crashes into the main viewscreen, punching a hole in it with his head. Unconcious, he lays bent over with his legs hanging out of the viewscreen.)
Troi: "He was angry with me. I could tell. I'm pathetic...er Empathic"
(Picard walks in with Data and the Riker project)
Data: "What happened to Mr Worf?"
Riker: "Where is he...OH! From here, he looks like you, Mr Data."
Picard: "Status!"
NCC-1701
Kirk: "That's it. No communications at all. We kidnapp a crew member of theirs and they don't try anything. We send a torpedo across the bow and they don't even raise shields? Mr Spock, prepare a landing team. We're going over."
Spock: "Loooser."
Kirk: "Excuse me?"
Spock: "I said: yesser"
NCC-1701D
Picard: "..I see. So, even though you're a woman, people say 'Yes sir' to you?"
Troi: "Yes. I was shocked as well."
NCC-1701
(Transporter room. Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scotty, and four red shirts are on the pad)
Kyle: "Where would you like me to place you, sir?"
Kirk: "Where they won't find us, Mr Kyle."
Kyle: "Right!"
Kirk: "Energize."
(The transporter hums to life. All figures disappear, but one transporter cell flashes with sparks in the middle of transport.)
NCC-1701D
(Cargo bay two, transfer complete)
Kirk: "Ok, head count. We've lost someone. OK, me, Spock, McCoy, Scotty, and ...three ... security guards?"
Spock: "I believe that the puddle over here is Mr McFink."
McCoy: "My god Jim, he's been liquified!"
Scotty: "Hey loooks like a bottalabrandee"
Kirk: "McFink...McFink...he was recently married, wasn't he?"
McCoy: "Yes, Jim. You performed the ceremony."
Kirk: "Yes, I remember. He...had...a...beautiful wife."
McCoy: "Yes. What a waste. Human life traded for space exploration. When you think about how precious ...Ack!..." (McCoy falls to the ground, Spock's hand on his shoulder)
Kirk: "Why did you do that Spock?"
Spock: "I'm not sure, but I have a theory. Since we moved into the future, I have been irritable, sore, absent minded, and tend to tell long, boring stories that have no point. I believe I am showing signs of aging to the current time"
Scotty: "Ah don't know what the hell yure babblin abouuut."
Spock: "Allow me to explain. I am 70 years old and Captain Kirk is 35 years old. However, since we have been transported 79 years into the future, we will start to age 79 years rapidly to catch up to this time. I seem to be aging at a faster rate than the rest of you, and I estimate my current age to be 130 years. I estimate Captain Kirk to have aged 6 years to now be 41 years old. I estimate that the doctor has also aged 6 years and is now 120. Soon, we will all be 79 years older than we should be."
Kirk: "Spock...the average human life span is only 90 years."
Spock: "Precisely. You will all be dead. On the bright side, the average life span of a Vulcan is 200 years..."
Kirk: "You may be right, Spock. I have noticed that I have more hair now. We might actually be aging. We have to find out a way to get back to our own time and fast. This ship probably holds the answers we need. Everyone break off into you're expertise. Scotty, head to engineering. Spock, to the science labs. I'll go to the women's shower...er I mean I'll go to the command centers. Security, I want one of you with each person. I'll go it alone because McFink has been absorbed into Bones' uniform. Tell McCoy his assignment when he wakes up. Remember, you will start acting as if you have aged, ...
Scotty: (under his breath) "Ah wish the big fat 'Denibian slime devil' could akct"
Kirk: "...so be prepared for some gray hairs. OK, Lets move it!"
Bridge
Picard: "....and given the gravity of this situation I expect immediate compliance. From now on we will address the counselor as: . ...(suddenly distracted)..Riker! What the Earl Grey are you doing?"
Riker: "Uh...I'm helping Mr. Worf out of the viewscreen."
Picard: "You appear to be losing some ground. Very well. Prepare him for an emergency debriefing as well."
Riker: "Yes Sir! Consider it done."
(BLEET BLEET BLEET)
Picard:(darn near a panic attack) "My God! What was that?"
Data: "Sensors indicate that we have been boarded by eight life forms."
Riker:(so startled that he completely forgets about Worf, who has now been pushed all the way through the viewscreen) "RED ALERT! SHIELDS UP!! Security! Put a round the clock detail on the food supply! Computer! Run program 'Riker's Rations-one'!"
(Everything shuts down)
Picard:(suicidal) "Now what?"
Geordi:(intercom) "Cap'n! The computer just converted the warp core into a giant pasta cooker! We are literally a floating food processor!"
Picard: "Riker?!"
Riker: "The first order of business is always survival."
Picard:"Yes, but you've crippled my mighty vessel! Besides, you were already famine-proof and drought-resistant! Data! What's our ship's status?"
Data: "We are totally disabled and vulnerable to attack. Situation: normal."
Picard: "Excellent! Lets meet in Wesley's quarters in ten minutes for our daily poker game."
Transporter room : NCC-1701D
Bones: "My God man! I've started to decompose!"
Security: "Here's the story ..(blah blah blah)..."
Bones: "My God man! Don't just stand there jawin'! Lets get crackin' to sickbay to find a cure for this aging process before it's too late, flibberty gibbit!"
Security: "What? Oh well, let's get you on my back."
McCoy is placed on the security guard's back and they trot off to sickbay.
Engine room - NCC-1701D
Scotty is peering at the giant pasta machine connected directly to the warp engine core.
Scotty: "Ahchtp. Now DATs a fine engine!"
Geordi: "Can I help you, commander...?"
Scotty: "Montgomery Scott, at your service, laddy."
Geordi: "Are you my new commander?"
Scotty: "I am at dat!"
Geordi: "I wasn't notified..."
Scotty: "Ah wanted to doo it in perrrrrson."
Geordi: "OK, sounds official. What are my orders?"
Scotty turns to look at the pasta machine...
Scotty: "Lets just see what this lass can do..."
Bridge : NCC-1701D
Bridge doors open, Spock walks onto empty bridge...
Spock: "Computer, status!"
Computer: "The ship is on pink alert."
Spock: "Pink alert? explain."
Computer: "All defense systems are down. All power is diverted to food supplies. All bridge crew members playing poker or in holodeck."
Spock: "Curious. Computer, show me all Federation vessels in this area."
Computer: "The information you have requested is classified. Please state the level two security code for clearance."
Spock: (thinking and talking out loud) "hmm...security code..."
Computer: "Permission granted."
Spock: "Oh my."
Wesley's quarters. Data is wearing that STUPID visor. Riker is fully clothed, while everyone else is almost naked.
Riker: "Pair of threes!"
Everyone else thows down their cards.
Riker: "I win again! Alright, everyone, off with another piece of clothing!"
Troi: (under her breath) "Better than seeing all of his white, sweaty, hairy, fat, disgusting, smelly, pus filled, flabby body."
Troi removes another piece of clothing...
Picard: "Well, I guess we've just established that we won't be calling Troi 'sir'."
Worf limps in...
Worf: "Sorry I'm late...I'm having...trouble...walking."
Crusher: "You should see a doctor about that."
Worf: "Yes."
Crusher: "Hmm Hmm Hmm Hmm"
Worf: "Could you look at me, doctor?"
Crusher: "Hm Hmm Hmm Hmm"
Worf: "Doctor Crusher?"
Crusher: "Oh! Silly me!"
Crusher and Worf leave to go to sickbay
Computer: "Pink alert cancelled."
Picard: "What? That means no more card game."
Computer: "Intruder alert in the Battle Bridge"
Picard: "I better get down there! Damn it, where are my panties?"
Riker: "Data, could you stay here for a few minutes?"
Data: "I must go to the bridge to see why the Pink alert was cancelled!"
Data runs out screaming. Riker plugs into an ODN conduit and passes out."
Battle bridge: NCC-1701D
Kirk is standing at the controls, bringing up star charts. Picard walks in...
Picard: "What the hell are you doing to my vessel?"
Kirk: "Who are you?"
Picard: "I am Jean-Luc Picard, captain of the USS Enterprise. Who are you?"
Kirk: "What is your mission?"
Picard: "Our ongoing mission is to explore new worlds, seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before."
Kirk: "Where have you been lately?"
Picard: "Well...I...we...ah...um..."
Kirk: "I've read your logs. You've wasted years...going back and forth...BACK AND FORTH...doing...NOTHING."
Picard: "We did go to Earth."
Kirk: "You STARTED at Earth."
Picard: "We separated that main body from the saucer section!"
Kirk: "Starships could do that a hundred years ago!"
Picard: "Who are you?"
Kirk: "Who I am is not important. What I KNOW is important."
Picard: "What's that?"
Kirk: "Right now, you have a starship in front of you, ready to distroy this vessel."
Picard: "AHHHHHH!"
Picard runs out of the battle bridge, urine streams behind...
Kirk: "Twit."
Sick bay
Security guard walks in with McCoy on his back. Crusher is examining Worf...
Crusher: "Where did you find that corpse?"
McCoy: "Achtpt. I'm not dead yet! I feel like singing! Row, row, row your boat..."
Worf: "Please watch what you're doing!"
Crusher: "Sorry. It seems that an alien invasion has taken place."
Worf: "RIKER!"
Crusher: "You are free to go."
McCoy: "I need some help, dab nabbit"
Crusher: "Who are you?"
McCoy: "Who are you?"
Crusher: "Chief medical officer, USS Enterprise."
McCoy: "I need a doctor!"
Crusher: "I'll get one!"
Beverly leaves...
McCoy: "Put me down near those acids, flim flammit!"
McCoy starts combining acids and chemicals...
Hallway, NCC-1701D
Kirk is walking out of the Battle bridge and runs into Mr Data...
Data: "Crew person! Why are you in the hallway? We are on Security Alert."
Kirk: "Who...or...what...are...YOU?"
Data: "Mr Data. I'm an android who can not talk with contractions."
Kirk: "I....see."
Data: "You are in violation of the Security Alert conditions. You will accompany me to the brig."
Kirk: "The pink alert has been canceled. You have made an error. You didn't correct your error. You've made two errors. You said "I'm", you've made three errors."
Data: "Sterilize...sterilize...I am Nomad...Landru....V'ger...sterilize"
Kirk: "Listen closely...everything I say is a lie. I'm lying."
Data: "urp urp urp..."
Kirk: "Fulfill the prime directive!"
Data: "urp urp urp Urp Urp URp URp URP URP PLLLTTtttthhhhhhhhh"
Data collapses into a puddle of his own synthetic urine.
Kirk: "This is too easy."
Bridge - NCC-1701D
Spock: "Computer, using the data I have entered, compute the most probable explanation for our jump into this time period."
Computer: "The time-space continuum rift was caused by overuse of the lateral sensor array trying to locate cottage cheese. Since all cottage cheese in this area had been consumed, the sensor locked on a cottage chesse "echo" from a ship that produced mass quantities of it in the past. With the continuing sensor sweep, a time rift was born."
Spock: "How long was the sensor sweep running"
Computer: "Seven seasons."
Spock: "Did the ship ever move?"
Computer: "No."
Spock: "Fascinating. Computer, begin computations for creating another rift."
Sickbay - NCC-1701D
McCoy: "Here's my first attempt at the antidote. It could cure....or kill. Without proper testing, it could be a beaker full of death."
Security Gaurd, Mr Drebin: "Yuck. Sounds pretty bad."
McCoy: "Don't you want to drink it?"
Mr Drebin: "Ahhhh...no."
McCoy: "Tarnation man! If I were to drink it and every cell in my body imploded, there would be no one to come up with another formula."
Mr Drebin: "Ahhhh...If I were to drink it and implode, what would I care if there were another formula?"
McCoy: "I order you to drink it."
Mr Drebin: "Ahhh...no."
McCoy: "Ok...look out behind you!"
Mr Drebin: "Wha...?"
Drebin turns around only to be injected with the formula by Bones. Drebin implodes.
McCoy: "Consarnit. Well, back to the old drawing board."
Hallway - NCC-1701D
Kirk is walking in the hallway. He encounters Troi (still topless).
Kirk: "Yo Yo Ma!"
Troi: "Oh. Hello. Oooh. I can read what's on YOUR mind."
Kirk: "Well, it isn't...every day that you see a beautiful woman...topless."
Troi: "Would you like to go back to my cabin?"
Kirk: "Why not?"
Ten minutes later, Troi's cabin
Kirk is pulling on his boots. Troi is brushing her hair, looking in a mirror on the wall.
Troi: "Do you think I'm pretty?"
Kirk: "I did ten minutes ago."
Worf walks in...
Worf: "What is going on here? Who are you?"
Troi: "I'm Deanna! Don't you know me?"
Worf: "Not you. Him!"
Kirk: "I've never liked Klingons, and I never will. I could never forgive them for my trouble with tribbles."
[Kirk backhands Worf, who instantly crumbles into a moaning heap. Repulsed by the sobbing Klingon, he decides to leave.]
Troi: "When will I see you again?"
Kirk: "In about seventy years."
Troi: "It's a date!"
Engineering, 1701-D
Scotty: "........an' I um a willun ta trade ye theeez wee tribblez fer yer pile o' pasta tha' we jus' coooked up".
Geordi: "What did you say? Yeah, sure, whatever."
Scotty: (into communicator) "Enterprise! Listen carefully. Prepare for a level one sustenance transfer. Beam all pasta in the viscinity directly to my quarters. Engage!"
Enterprise: "Mr Scott? Is that you?"
Scotty: "Er, Aye, laddy. Tis me. Now, starrrrrrt trrrrrrransfer."
Enterprise: "What did you say? Yeah, sure, whatever."
[The giant mound of Italian food begins to disappear. Just then, Riker roles in.]
Riker: "Yeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaapppppp!!! The fettuccine!! Oh my God, this is not happening! It is not happening!!!!
[Riker collapses into a puddle of his......]
Geordi: "Sickbay! Medical emergency! We need about......hmm..... twenty or so red shirts to carry Riker to sickbay!"
[Sickbay]
McCoy: "Oh-oh. We've got customers on the way. I'd better go find Spock."
[McCoy leaves. Seconds later, Riker's comatose carcass materializes in sickbay, as no one volunteered to carry him. Dr. Crusher enters.]
Crusher: "Ugh! I've got to find another job."
[She starts to scan Riker for signs of life. Troi suddenly rushes in, carrying Worf.]
Crusher: "Now what?"
Troi: "Something is wrong with Worf! Oh my! What happened to Riker?" (She drops Worf on his head)
Crusher: "I'm reading signs of acute rejection!"
Troi: "His body is finally rejecting the food replicator?"
Crusher: "Actually, the replicator is rejecting him!"
Troi: "What can we do?"
Crusher: "Well, I can sedate all of my patients for now so we can go to our aerobics class."
Troi: "Yippee!"
(Meanwhile, Kirk and Spock have re-teamed on the main bridge)
Kirk: "Progress report. Have you figured out how to get us home?"
Spock: "I have used the ship's subspace communicator to contact my counterpart, Ambassador Spock, from the present."
Kirk: "What? Why did you do that?"
Spock: "It was the easiest way to find out how we returned to the past. His solution obviously worked."
Kirk: "Ah! Excellent work. What have you got?"
Spock: "It seems that we will need to use the star-drive from this ship to open the time rift. We must separate the saucer, set the sensors to scan for cottage cheese, and breach the warp core. That will re-open the window to the past."
Kirk: "Destroying their ship."
Spock: "Precisely."
Kirk: "Very good. Please begin your computations for time travel. I'll round up the rest of our team so we can beam off this floating looney bin."
Sickbay
Riker: (Waking up, finding Worf holding a blade to his throat) "Red Alert! What did I do?"
Worf: "Be quiet! You have defiled my honor and now I will make you pay for your pathetic acts."
Riker: (Full panic mode) "Oh please don't kill me! It wasn't my fault! They made me do it! I'll do anything! Just name it."
Worf: "The only way to redeem yourself is to submit to the ancient 'Foon Jaba Waba' ritual."
Riker: "Fine. I accept. Just don't kill me. What do I do?"
Worf: "You have just agreed to suffer the same insult that you inflicted upon me. I will now begin."
[Riker's screams are heard throughout the ship.]
Hallway
[On intercom]
Spock: "Spock to Captain Kirk."
Kirk: "Kirk here."
Spock: "Captain, the transporter has been overloaded by the transfer of a large, lifeless mass to their sickbay. We will have to take a shuttlecraft to get back to our ship."
Kirk: "Understood. I will go to the shuttlebay to secure a ship. You coordinate with McCoy and Scotty. Meet me in the shuttlebay in 10 minutes. Kirk out."
Shuttlebay
[Kirk steps into a shuttlecraft.]
Kirk: "Now lets see... I should be able to figure out these controls."
[Kirk suddenly looks up. Something is wrong... It smells bad. Very bad.
Kirk looks down to see a yellow puddle coming from the aft storage area.]
Kirk: "Alright, Picard. I know you're back there. I can smell you a parsec away."
[The storage area door opens and Picard comes falling out.]
Picard: "Ah HA! So there you are! I've been looking for you."
Kirk: "In the ... storage ... compartment of a shuttle craft?"
Picard: "Yes."
Kirk: "Right."
Picard: "You are coming with me. Prepare to be man-handled."
Kirk: "Bring it on, monkey boy!"
[Picard lunges at Kirk, who sidesteps the charging french poodle and delivers a quick karate chop to the back of his neck. Picard falls onto the controls and accidentally launches the shuttlecraft into space.]
Sickbay
[Dr Crusher enters...]
Crusher: "What's all the noise in here. I can't sweat to the oldies with all this racket!"
[Crusher looks around. Sickbay has been destroyed. Worf is in the corner in the fetal position. Pieces of Mr Data are everywhere. Riker is crying over the now separated food replicator.]
Riker: "Why? Why??"
Crusher: "My God! What has, er, what is the next line? Huh? What has HAPPENED, here? Sorry, let me try that one again. What has happened HERE?"
Riker: "Worf was about to punish me with the Foon Jaba Waba ritual when the food replicator totally rejected my body and separated itself from me."
Crusher: "What happened to Mr Data?"
Riker: "He was in the wrong place at the wrong time."
Crusher: "He wanted more money?"
Riker: "Yep."
Crusher: "Oh well. Better get Geordi to bring in the hose."
Meanwhile, the shuttlecraft has left the shuttlebay and is spinning out of control toward a small planet, Veridian III.
Kirk: "What have you done? I NEED this shuttlecraft."
Picard: "AHHHH!"
Kirk: "Get back here, baldy"
Picard: "YOU should talk!"
Kirk: "This is real hair! It's just not mine!"
Picard: "Who's is it? Mike Bradey's?"
Kirk: "When I get my hands on you, I'm going to..."
[The shuttlecraft suddenly shakes as it hits the upper atmosphere. It automatically makes an emergency landing.]
Picard: "This is where I get off!"
[Picard hits the emergency exit button and runs of into the distance]
Kirk (thinking aloud) : "I *should* get back to the ship, but I think I need to beat the crap out of this guy!"
ShuttleBay - NCC-1701D
Spock: "We are all assembled."
McCoy: "All but the captain, you mean."
Spock: "Yes. Mr Scott, are you ready?"
Scotty: "Agggggggggye. RRRRRight as wrwrwrwrwrain."
Spock: "Of course. The captain and I have devised a plan to get back. The plan has been put in place and now we must take the shuttle back to the Enterprise. "
McCoy: "But there are no shuttlecrafts."
Spock: "Yes, I know. Spock to Enterprise..."
Uhura: "Enterprise here."
Spock: "Is the transporter fixed yet?"
Uhura: "Engineering is working on it. Every time they test it, the item transported has imploded."
Spock: "We must test it on a human. We need someone expendible."
The red shirt runs...
Spock: "Enterprise, transport Mr Chek..."
Before Spock can finish, someone is transported. It is Mr Chekov.
Chekov: "Iye don't veel wery vell."
McCoy: "Quick man. What's your name?"
Chekov: "Chekov"
McCoy: "Rank."
Chekov: "Admiral."
McCoy: "No, I mean you stink. What the hell have you been rolling in?"
Spock: "There's no time for this. Enterprise, three to beam."
The transporter hums, and Spock, McCoy, and Scott transport to the Enterprise.
Chekov: "Veare am I?"
Wesley runs in...
Wesley: "Who are you? Hey, you look like an officer!"
Chekov: "I'm an admiral. Admiral Checkov."
Wesley: "I'm Wesley Crusher. I've been put on the ship to appeal to the teeny boppers."
Chekov: "Vot a looser you must be."
Wesley: "Yes Sir! I assume you are in charge of the ship?"
Chekov: "mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm"
Wesley: "Sir?"
Chekov: "Yes! Yes! I am in charge. Take me to the bridge!"
Wesley: "Yes sir!"
Checkov: "By the vay, you smell like pee."
Wesley: "Isn't it cute?"
Veridian III
Kirk: "Where are you, baldy?"
Picard: "You'll never find me...oops"
Kirk runs up to Picard and does a flying drop kick. Picard hits Kirk with a right cross.
Kirk: "You'll have to do better than that."
Kirk swipes at Picard.
Picard: "Ooh. Send me another "Karate" chop.
Kirk: "Alright! No more Mr. nice guy! Arrrrgh!"
Kirk lunges at Picard, who responds by collapsing into the fetal position. Kirk flies over him and is momentarily knocked unconcious. Picard runs off after taking something from Kirk. We can't quite make out what...
NCC-1701D, Bridge
Chekov: "Sheep status!"
No one answers. The bridge is deserted.
NCC-1701, Bridge
Scotty: "Spock! We've got to get on with it! Initiate the rift!
Spock: "Please try to control yourself Mr. Scott. We have four men, including our captain, still unaccounted for. We are also missing Mr. Chekov. First, please locate and beam back the three surviving security guards...
McCoy: (Clearing throat) "Two....security guards."
Spock: "Doctor? What has happened to Drebin?"
McCoy: "He uh, well he, kind of imploded. It was his own fault."
Spock: "I see. Perhaps it would be best if you confined your experiments to Mr. Chekov in the future."
Scotty: "Two red shirts located and beamed, Mr. Spock.
Uhura: "Sir, we are being hailed."
Spock: "On screen."
Chekov: (on screen) "Thees ees Admiral Pavel Chekov in command of....of....this sheep. Please drop your shields and prepare to be boarded or I will destroy your wessel."
McCoy: "My GOD, man. We don't have time for this!"
Spock: "Chekov. Listen carefully. Any activity at the weapons station will initiate the destruction of that ship, which will enable us to return home by creating a rift at precisely the right moment......."
Chekov: "Photon torpedo.....awaayyyyyyyyy!"
A torpedo splurts out of the Enterprise-D, but heads straight for the planet below. The ship is now in an automatic separation sequence, evacuating all of the crew into the saucer section.
Surface, Veridian three
Kirk: (Waking up) "What the..where is my hair? MY HAIR! PICARD!
Picard: "What? Oops."
Picard runs off with Kirk's hair stuck to his head.
Kirk: "That does look good on him too. Maybe I'll let him keep it...for his funeral."
Kirk goes after the well-tressed french-fry one last time......
NCC 1701-D, Engineering
Geordi: "COOLANT LEAK! We are two minutes from a warp core breach! Everyone into the saucer!"
The ship separates into two pieces......
Bridge
Troi, Riker, and a hastily assembled Data enter.
Riker: Deanna! Take the helm! On second thought, go to your quarters and get some clothes on. Then take the helm!"
Troi: "Take it where? Oh, yes. To my quarters."
She pulls the console loose and exits with it.
Data: "Oh shit.......(Data's arm falls off)"
The saucer is now careening out of control toward the planet. The stardrive then explodes in the background and pushes the saucer on its way..
Surface, Veridian Three
Kirk is catching up to Picard...
Kirk: "When I get my hands on you.....What the hell?
The Chekov torpedo comes screaming through the clouds and toward Picard . It is closly followed by the saucer section of the Enterprise-D, twirling overhead...
Picard: "OOOhhh. What's that thing?"
Kirk: "It's...your...ship! Have you gone mad?"
Suddenly, Picard is beamed out. Kirk sees the torpedo coming toward him.
Kirk: "Oh, so it's me you wanted? Well, what are you waiting for?"
Kirk then gets beamed out.
Transporter room, NCC-1701
Spock: "Greetings, captain, er captains."
Kirk: "Spock! Status."
Spock: "The time rift has been initiated. We are on schedule. All hands are accounted for with the exception of Mr Chekov, who is still onboard the Enterprise-D."
Picard: "Enterprise wha?"
Spcok: "Your ship. My god, if I had emotions...."
McCoy: "So we need to swap Picard with Chekov."
Silence.
McCoy: "Well, at least let's get rid of baldy!"
Kirk: "Hey! That reminds me, give me that!"
Kirk rips the shag off of Picard and places it on his own head. A fistfight erupts.
Picard: "You give me back that hair!"
Kirk: "Come get it!"
Picard lunges for the hair, which goes flying towards the transporter council and transports Picard onto the Enterprise-D.
Spock: "There's the rift."
Kirk: "Bridge! Head for that rift."
The Enterprise fades into the distance, transported back to its own time.
Fade in to NCC-1701 bridge. All is well. An ensign hands a fuel consumption sheet to Kirk, which he signs. Spock steps down from his station to Kirk's right side.
Kirk: "Why so quiet Spock?"
Spock: "I am disturbed. From what we have witnessed, the future of the Federation appears grim. Bloated starships toddling along, acomplishing nothing, commanded by inept, boorish, boring, lethargic, incompetent, ugly, ugly crewmen. I feel like we should do something to stop this from happening."
Kirk: "Perhaps we already are. Perhaps by seeing how bad we could become, we are already taking steps to prevent it from happening."
Spock: "Perhaps. You have a very logical mind, captain"
Kirk: "You didn't think I had it in me, did you?"
Spcok: "No sir."
Kirk: "By the way, what else did you learn from your counterpart in the future?"
Spock: "Ah, yes. In twenty years, when the Enterprise-B is launched... stay in the captain's seat."
Kirk: "Why Spock. Where else would I be?"
Spock: "Indeed, captain. Indeed."
McCoy enters and heads down to the captain's chair.
McCoy: "I've noticed that accidents are down 20%. Wait a minute...where's Chekov? Dammit!! Dammit Dammit Dammit! He's been left in the future! God knows what dammage he could do!"
NCC-1701D. Riker's quarters. A poker game is underway.
Riker: "Geordi, did you ever get the holodeck fixed?"
Geordi: "Yep. I had to use some parts from the ship's long range communication's system."
Riker: "Is that so?"
Geordi: "You...did approve this."
Riker: "Do you have any five's?"
Geordi: "I also used some parts from the replicator."
Riker: "Pttttttttttt. What!?"
Geordi: "Don't worry, sir. It's still online."
Riker: "Whew! I could use something to eat. Hey, Peppi!"
Chekov enters, wearing only an apron.
Chekov: "Yes, my lord."
Riker: "Get us something to eat."
Chekov leaves.
Picard: "Well, I think we've all learned something in the last twelve hours."
Silence
Picard: "Er...for example, I've learned that I look great with hair."
Geordi: "I learned how to fix a holodeck from communicator parts."
Worf: "I learned how to forgive and forget the Foon Java Waba ritual."
Troi: "Pass the chips."
Data: "I have learned how to use contractions. I am good at it."
Crusher: "I've learned a new step in my aerobics class."
Riker: "Buuuuurp."
Everyone laughs. Camera pulls back from room to show the Enterprise-D saucer section embedded halfway into Veridian Three.
Overheard in Riker's voice. "Think they're looking for us?"
Overheard in Geordi's voice. "Probably not. I had to use parts from the locator beam to fix the holodeck."
Laughter from everyone...
The End
NO MORE TO COME! Finished: 7/27/97
ssavela@visi.com
