Hokay, this, like all my other fanfics, is my first fanfic! Um, lessee, how can I justify that claim... Oh, yeah: My first Ranma 1/2 fanfic...without Nabiki in it! Yeah, that's it.

Having successfully, if shamelessly, claimed the status of 'first fanfic' for this story, I can now go on to thank those who need to be thanked: Rumiko Takahashi, for creating the Ranma characters, the Ranma setting, heck, just about everything but the plot for this story. Also, thanks go to Scott K. Jameson, one of whose fanfics inspired the plot for this story. I'll reveal the name of the fanfic and how it inspired me in the afterword.

A few items of note: While this story isn't quite grim enough to be labeled a darkfic, or quite sad enough to be labeled a sadfic, it is, nonetheless, somewhat melancholy in tone; more a drama than anything else. There's a bit of zaniness (no Ranma fic should be without at least a little zaniness), but it is not exactly central to the story. At any rate, don't expect to be rolling on the floor laughing.

Also, my standard 'I didn't reintroduce the characters all over again' disclaimer: If you know little or nothing about the characters and settings of Ranma 1/2 I make no guarantees regarding the readability of this fanfic. If you'd like to learn, the Anime Web Turnpike is a good source of information. Another option (shameless plug) is to read my fanfic 'Halftime' at either of my two twin homepages (here or here), in which I DO reintroduce most of the characters.

And now, on with the story!

An Amazon's Vengeance
By Aaron Ziegler
spanner@visi.com
http://www.visi.com/~spanner/Spanner.htm or
http://www.visi.com/~spanner/DarkId.htm

[Get Daddy! Hurry!] the woman known as Akane Saotome frantically signed to her four-year-old son, as she desperately dodged another vicious blow from her purple-haired opponent. Akane was one of the best martial artists on the planet, having trained under Ranma Saotome himself. Unfortunately, the Chinese Amazon she faced was another of the best, if for different reasons.

The Amazon in question smirked, but her eyes remained hard and cold. "Yes, send the boy away. He would not like to see what I am about to do to his mother." She swung her blunt, heavy weapons again, and again Akane was able to dodge, but just barely. With lightning speed, Akane thrust her palm towards her opponent, hoping to strike a quick hit while the Amazon recovered from her own failed strike.

Sadly, the woman was nowhere near where Akane's fist traveled. Almost unbelievably fast, she had slipped around Akane's punch to deliver a nasty blow to the pit of her stomach. The air whooshed out of Akane's lungs as her eyes bulged with pain. She sat down hard, momentarily stunned. The purple-haired warrior swung one of her weapons again. This time, the huge, wooden hammer crunched into Akane's knee. There was an audible snap and Akane's eyes snapped shut, tears of pain seeping from the corners. Her mouth was opened as if she were screaming, but no sound emerged. Akane realized that she wasn't going to be able to fight any longer, and she waited for the blunt death she knew waited for her.

Oddly, that death didn't come. After a few seconds of waiting, Akane cautiously opened one eye, trying hard to ignore the throbbing pain in her shattered knee. The Amazon was still there; she hadn't been stopped by some miracle. She merely stood there, gazing down on her broken enemy with a look of amused contempt. It was obvious that she was enjoying the pain Akane was suffering, though whether or not that was the reason she still lived remained unclear. After their last parting, Akane had given the Amazon more than enough reason to want to kill her. Still, she had thought that Cologne would have been able to contain her. The elder had, after all, given her blessing to Akane's marriage to Ranma.

The Amazon in question had changed little over the years. She still wore the same Chinese traditional combat outfit. Her purple hair was much shorter, almost boyishly short, but it still topped an almost unbearably cute face, a face that somehow managed to remain cute even while suffering the cruel expressions its owner forced it to wear. The large, purple-hued eyes were hard and unforgiving.

Finally, her captor spoke. "So, that's how you did it." She ungently prodded Akane's broken knee, eliciting another soundless shriek. "You've become totally mute. Very clever. I doubt you could have thought of it yourself. That does explain the sign language."

The Amazon straightened. "Not that it matters. As soon as Ranma gets here, he'll finally see what kind of wife you really are. I think it will be very amusing to watch you explain things to him."

Suddenly, an almost audible hum resonated through the dojo. "Sounds like your darling husband is coming to the rescue. Best make sure he doesn't try anything I might regret, hmmm?" The Amazon withdrew a ornate, curved scimitar, and crouched down behind Akane, holding the cold blade against her neck.

Then, the dojo door shattered, flooding the room with harsh blue light. The source of that light was Ranma Saotome, who, since his decisive victory over Happosai a few months before, had officially become known as the undisputedly best martial artist on the planet. The blindingly bright blue aura suffusing his body, and the accompanying low-frequency hum it produced, were a testament to his mastery, as was the careful precision with which he normally controlled that aura. But now, however, he was mad. "SHAMPOO!!!" he snarled. "I will KILL you for hurting Akane!"

The woman addressed smiled coldly in return, evidently totally unfazed by the spectre of death challenging her. She answered, "I'll be only to happy to let you do so. Shampoo has hurt Akane far more than you might think. But first, there's something you should know."

Ranma growled and lifted his arms, but desisted when the Amazon's sword bit slightly into Akane's neck, drawing blood. His concern for Akane's well-being had overcome his blood lust to a degree, and he realized that he would not be able to kill Shampoo before Shampoo killed Akane. Temporarily at an impasse, he asked, "What should I know?"

The woman's smile broadened. "I'm Akane, you pervert."

Ranma laughed sharply. "Do you really expect me to believe that?"

The smile faded slightly, but the amusement remained. "What's there not to believe? It seems pretty straightforward to me. Shampoo and I swap bodies, and she destroys her own voice to keep you from finding out. Meanwhile, her great-grandmother hauls me off to China, where I go through ten years of Hell while she marries the man I loved and bears the children I wanted to share with you. Still, I won't expect you to take my word for it."

Unexpectedly, the Chinese Amazon rattled off a few sentences in Chinese. Akane's eyes widened with horror, and in spite of her pain, she lurched against her confinement. Ranma looked confused. "There you go. Proof."

"What are you talking about?" asked Ranma, whose aura had faded as his uncertainty grew.

"The phrase I just spoke was in Chinese. It was a command for Mousse to kill your darling baby girl."

"WHAT?" screamed Ranma, his face paling.

The Amazon grinned impishly. "Relax. I would never do anything so cruel, and Mousse is not here anyway. However, unless your wife has been taking Chinese, this is not Akane. Have I provided grounds, at least, for a hearing before my execution?"

Ranma's aura vanished, but he still looked ready to kill. He studied his wife, and was disturbed to see that she refused to meet his eyes. Ranma's gaze dropped to her knee. "She's in pain," he noted.

"Good!" the Amazon snapped viciously. Ranma's eyes locked onto hers, and her hateful glare softened slightly. She sighed. "Very well. If only because she'll have trouble communicating otherwise." She lowered her sword. Ranma moved slightly, and she glared at him again. "Don't come any closer. I can still kill her, with or without the sword. I merely intend to apply some herbal medicines. They will ease her suffering. Not that she deserves it."

"How do I know you're not gonna poison her?" Ranma demanded.

She slapped a palm to her forehead in disgust. "You idiot. If I was going to kill her, why would I use poison, when I can use my hands? I see that time hasn't improved your intelligence, Ranma."

"Hey!"

The woman who claimed not to be Shampoo carefully cut away the martial arts gi around the mangled wreck of the knee of the woman who she claimed was not Akane. She withdrew a bottle and a piece of cloth. After soaking the cloth with the contents of the bottle, she pressed it against the broken joint, allowing the medicine to soak into the skin and muscle. Her patient hissed with the pain it caused, but made no vocal contribution. The Amazon kneaded the shattered knee for a few moments. When she finished, the only sign remaining of the jagged bone fragments that had pierced the skin of the joint were ragged cuts in the skin itself. The Amazon quickly tied a makeshift bandage around the joint using the cut portion of the gi.

The Amazon who may or may not have been Shampoo stepped back, looking satisfied in spite of herself. "There. I don't think even Dr. Tofu could have done better. Great-grand-" she scowled at herself a moment, "COLOGNE always said I seemed to have a special talent for medicine."

"Now," she said, staring straight at Ranma. "I'm gonna tell you my side of the story first. Then, we'll see what Shampoo has to say for herself." Ranma nodded grimly, if reluctantly.

"It all started when Shampoo challenged me after you and I had finally decided to try for another wedding..."

Akane waited in the vacant lot, a light breeze teasing her short, black hair. Her mind was a jumble of strong emotions, the strongest of which was a powerful euphoria. She had been experiencing this euphoria for days, ever since Ranma had, at long last, told her that he loved her. The two had agreed to set a wedding date a week after high school graduation, an event scheduled to take place in four months.

Another emotion, almost as powerful, was a feeling of enraged indignation. Ranma had, at Akane's insistence, visited each of his other fiancees to deliver the news. Now, in spite of the fact that Ranma had clearly stated his unwillingness to marry her, Shampoo had challenged Akane to one final fight over Ranma. What did it take to get it through her thick Amazon skull that Ranma wasn't going to marry her, no matter how many people she beat up? Or tried to beat up, Akane thought with a grin, cracking her knuckles. Shampoo was going to discover that Akane's fighting skills had definitely improved since the last time they fought.

These two emotions were soon joined by a definite feeling of annoyed impatience. Akane had been waiting for over a half an hour at the appointed location. The nerve of Shampoo, challenging her and not even bothering to show up on time!

After a few moments, there was a chime, and Shampoo's bicycle screeched into the vacant lot. A breathless Shampoo hastily dismounted. "Shampoo sorry she late," she explained, "Shampoo have to deliver one-hundred forty-two boxes ramen before could fight." She gestured to the large box on the back of her bike, evidently a case for storing the hot bowls of ramen while she delivered them.

Akane rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Do you want a few minutes to rest before we start?"

Shampoo shook her head. "Shampoo just winded. Shampoo be fine in a second."

"What's the point of this, anyway?" Akane demanded. "Ranma is mine! He told you so himself!"

Shampoo's eyes flashed. "Ranma Shampoo's husband! You steal from Shampoo. If Shampoo defeat you then Ranma see that Shampoo is better fighter. Ranma like strong woman. When Ranma see Shampoo stronger than Akane, Ranma like Shampoo better than Akane!"

"When are you going to learn that Ranma doesn't care how strong you are?" Akane shouted. Then, uncharacteristically, she calmed. "Look, I'm tired of this fighting for Ranma nonsense. I want you to promise that you'll never fight me for Ranma again after this fight."

Shampoo smirked. "After fight Shampoo no need fight again. Shampoo beat Akane and Ranma marry Shampoo."

"Just promise!"

Shampoo shrugged. "OK. Shampoo promise. It no matter."

The Chinese Amazon assumed a fighting stance. "Shampoo ready fight now. Akane ready die?"

Akane followed suit. "You wish." Suddenly, she noticed that Shampoo was unarmed. "Where's your weapons?" she asked curiously.

"Shampoo no need bonbouri smash Akane. Shampoo fists all Shampoo needs."

Akane shrugged, "Have it your way." She yelled and charged.

Shampoo dodged Akane's first strike, and lashed out with a kick. Akane grasped her by the proffered leg and swung her into a tree. Hard. Shampoo slumped to the ground, stunned, but recovered before Akane could get near to her. She wiped a trickle of blood from her lip and grinned a feral smile. "First blood Akane's. Last blood Shampoo's." Shampoo launched herself at Akane like a wildcat, striking with fist and foot in a bewildering pattern of attacks. She was somewhat unnerved to note that Akane managed to dodge or block every hit. She disengaged and warily eyed Akane through narrowed eyelids. "When Akane get so good?" she demanded.

Akane grinned. "I've been training with Ranma. By the looks of it, you haven't been training much at all."

"That it! Shampoo finish this!" Shampoo charged her grinning opponent once again. This time, Akane's overconfidence cost her. Shampoo had been holding back. Not much, but just enough to slip past a startled Akane's defenses and clap Akane on either side of her neck with the middle and index fingers of each hand before Akane had a chance to block.

Pain! To Akane, it felt as though someone had just jabbed a knife into her throat. She tried to cry out, but her throat hurt too much. Her tongue felt numb and unresponsive in her mouth for some reason. She stepped back and glared at Shampoo. She coughed, and felt blood rise from her throat. She hoped it wasn't serious. At any rate, it seemed that Shampoo had decided to fight dirty. Fine. Akane could do dirty.

Painfully, Akane tried to shout, "Tenshin-Amaguri-Ken!" No sound emerged, and her tongue felt sluggish. Nevertheless, her fists were anything but sluggish. They flew invisibly fast, pummeling Shampoo. The Amazon in question had nowhere near enough speed to counter Akane's strikes, even if they were not quite as fast as Ranma's. Shampoo's body struck the ground, and was still.

"Thanks, Ranma," Akane ineffectually tried to whisper to herself. It felt so GOOD to finally be able to defend herself once again; to not be dependant on Ranma to save her whenever she was in trouble. She had beaten Shampoo, possibly the best fighter of all Ranma's admirers, and she hadn't even broken a sweat.

Akane paused a moment. Her throat hurt badly. Fortunately, the bleeding had apparently stopped, so it seemed that the injury wasn't too serious. Hopefully, Dr. Tofu would be able to tell her what was wrong. After she finished her business with Shampoo, that is. She had to wait until Shampoo recovered. Akane wanted to make sure that Shampoo was willing to hold to her promise. If she had to, Akane was perfectly willing to beat her into submission again. It seemed that violence was the only voice that Shampoo respected.

Akane glanced around. No one else was nearby, and all was calm. Wait a moment. That ramen box on the back of Shampoo's bicycle. Hadn't it been closed earlier-

Akane felt a pressure at the back of her neck, and the world became dark.

Akane awoke to the voice of Cologne. "Farewell, child. May you live long and happily with Ranma as your husband."

Akane's eyes snapped open. Furiously, she struggled against the ropes that bound her. "No way!" she shouted, "Ranma is gonna be MY husband!" She froze in shock. Those had been her words, but the voice... "What happened to my voice?" Akane gasped.

Akane glanced for the first time at Cologne and the one whom she addressed. Cologne was talking to...Akane? The puzzle pieces clicked into place, and Akane finally stared down at her own body. She was dressed in Shampoo's Chinese fighting clothes, clothes which served to accentuate a body somewhat more buxom than she was used to. A lock of her hair fell across her vision. It was purple. "What have you done to me?" she asked in Shampoo's voice, a voice now thin with panic.

Cologne and the woman wearing Akane's face glanced at one another. Cologne spoke again, "Go, child. I will do what needs to be done." Wordlessly, the woman (Akane correctly guessed it must have been Shampoo) embraced the old crone, who tenderly returned the hug. Blinking back ancient tears, Cologne brusquely pushed Shampoo away. "Go." Shampoo went.

Cologne glared down at Akane (she had to perch on her staff to do it; even with Akane sitting down, she was taller than the shriveled old woman). "You have a choice, Akane Tendo. We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Either way, you'll never see Ranma again."

"You're not going to get away with this!" Akane shouted, loathing the high-pitched voice producing each word. "She'll never be able to convince Ranma that she's me!"

Cologne smiled slightly. "I wouldn't be too sure of that, if I were you. Shampoo is more clever than even she realizes. And as for my former Son-in-Law, well, let us merely say that his intelligence does not match his strength."

Tears began to flow from Akane's eyes. "Then you'll have to kill me. I'll NEVER give up on Ranma, do you hear me? Never! I love him!"

Cologne sighed. "Foolish girl. You have yet to learn that love is not all-powerful. But killing you would be needlessly wasteful."

Cologne hopped down from her staff and withdrew a bottle from a pocket. In clear, black letters it was labeled 'Formula 110'. "It is clear to me that you will never accept the easy way. Very well." Cologne measured a portion of the mind-altering shampoo into one wrinkled hand. "You're determination is admirable. You would have made a good Amazon. And in a few moments, you WILL make a good Amazon." With that, Cologne attacked. Once again, Akane's world faded into oblivion.

When Akane came to, a number of things were brought to her attention. First of all, she felt strangely...refreshed. Akane recognized that sort of refreshment. It meant that someone had attempted to execute the 'Xi Fa Xiang Gao' technique on her to eliminate certain memories. Concentrating, Akane could vaguely remember Cologne saying something about forgetting about Ranma, Shampoo, and her friends and family, forgetting that she did not want to return with Cologne to China, and forgetting that the body she wore was not her own. That was odd. By the very nature of the shiatsu technique, she shouldn't remember anything about any of those subjects. Yet she did remember. She could remember everything about Ranma, and she certainly didn't want to go back to China while she was still stuck in Shampoo's body. Obviously, the technique had failed completely. But why? Cologne, of all people, should have been able to do it right.

Akane would later learn the answer from Cologne's texts. Her previous exposure to the Xi Fa Xiang Gao technique was the key. As it turned out, the manner in which one breaks free of the influence of the technique makes a difference regarding later applications. When Akane had first been inflicted with the Xi Fa Xiang Gao technique, she recovered her memories by sheer force of will (aided by Ranma, whom she had forgotten, taunting her in his customary fashion to jog her memory). By breaking free on her own, she had built up a resistance to the technique, making later attempts futile. If Akane had simply been cured by the Formula 119 counter-technique, then she would have built up no resistance.

There was little doubt that Cologne had known this. So why had she even bothered trying? Akane never did learn for certain, but came to assume that this sort of immunity, being incredibly rare, was something Shampoo did not know about, and Cologne thought too unlikely to inquire about. Most likely, both had assumed that Ranma had somehow managed to find another source of Formula 119, and cured Akane in that manner.

Of course, none of this mattered to Akane at the moment. What did matter was that she had been given a chance to escape. She opened her eyes and looked around. Akane was lying in a strange bed in a strange bedroom, wearing strange pajamas. Probably Shampoo's.

Akane slipped out of bed and stood up. She nearly fell down again. She felt oddly unbalanced, somewhat top heavy. She smiled thinly. So this is what Ranma must've felt like the first time he turned into a girl, she thought. That provoked another thought. Akane had always been a little envious of Shampoo's larger endowments. Well, she had them, now. But Ranma had liked her just the way she was. And the way she was was the way Shampoo was, now. She had to get to Ranma, to warn him of Shampoo's deception.

But first, she'd better get dressed. Akane staggered over to Shampoo's closet. Shampoo had quite a wardrobe, and some of the articles of clothing inside made Akane blush bright red. No doubt about it, she had to work fast. Just the thought of what Shampoo might be doing with Ranma in her body deepened her blush. Akane couldn't find anything in the closet that didn't make her feel like a bimbo (of course, in Akane's opinion, Shampoo's body could wear anything and still look like a bimbo), but she finally settled on the Chinese battle clothes she had seen Shampoo wear so often. She might still look like a bimbo, but at least now she looked like a fierce bimbo. And she WAS about to go to war, after all.

Akane walked over to a mirror and looked into it. She grimaced, both at the fact that it was Shampoo's face grimacing back at her, and at the terrible tangled mess her hair had become. Then, Akane had an evil thought. She was going to get her own body back as soon as possible, and she owed Shampoo a little payback for what she had done. With the aid of a pair of scissors and a hand mirror, Akane brutally hacked away at Shampoo's hair, cutting it down to a good approximation of her old hairstyle. Akane studied herself in the mirror again with a smirk. Much better. Short and purple. Akane would have loved to see Shampoo see what she was seeing now. Akane gathered the shorn purple locks and tied them into a bundle. Waste not, want not, Akane thought. Perhaps she could sell the hair later.

Akane strode briskly over to her door and threw it open. Then she faltered. Cologne was standing in the doorway.

The ancient spoke, "Good morning Ak--good lord, child, what have you done to your hair?"

Defensively, Akane answered, "I've always worn it this way." Then she cursed herself mentally. She had spoken without thought, and that could be dangerous. She had to keep in mind everything that Cologne had told her to forget. Fortunately, she didn't think she had said anything incriminating yet. After all, Cologne hadn't asked her to forget that she was Akane.

Cologne sighed. "Of course. I should have expected no less. Nevertheless, it may cause you trouble at the village. It is highly uncustomary to cut one's hair among the Joketsuzoku." Cologne's eyes focused on Akane's. "But none of this matters now. For now, we must pack for the journey home. Our flight leaves tonight."

Akane's heart skipped a beat. To cover her horror, she asked, "We're going to China already? But I don't know any Chinese!"

"Do not fear, Akane. You will learn, given time. The best way to learn a language is through total immersion, after all. Haven't you noticed how much Shampoo's Japanese has improved since her first arrival here?"

Just in time, Akane caught herself. "Shampoo?" she asked. "What are you talking about?"

Cologne smiled slyly. "Nothing, child. Just a test. Forget I said anything. Of course, by now you probably have." The Xi Fa Xiang Gao technique was especially insidious in that it was constantly working, constantly suppressing any memories regarding the forgotten subject. While Akane had first been under its influence, she had to be reintroduced to Ranma several times, and each time she promptly forgot everything about him once more. So, Cologne, or anyone for that matter, should have been able to speak freely about any of the subjects Akane was supposed to have forgotten, as she would merely forget them again. That is, if the technique had actually worked.

"SHAMPOO!!!" Mousse lunged into the room and threw himself to the ground in front of Akane, wrapping his arms around her ankles. "Are you all right, my love?"

"Pervert!" Akane pounded Mousse's head into the floorboards with her mallet. "Just who do you think you're talking to, you blind idiot? And what's this about shampoo?"

Mousse, bewildered, and apparently not seriously harmed by having his face break wood, leapt to his feet and snatched Akane's mallet. "Hey!" Akane protested.

Mousse flipped down his glasses and studied the wooden mallet for a moment. Then, he handed it back. "You're not Shampoo!" he accused.

"Of course not! I'm Akane!"

Mousse jerked with surprise. He removed his glasses and studied them carefully. Then he put them on again. "Akane? You look just like Shampoo!"

"Is that supposed to be some kind of insult? Why on Earth would I look like shampoo?"

Cologne's voice spoke. "Mousse, we must speak."

Mousse whirled in rage to address the diminutive elder. "You! This is your doing, you dried up old hag! Oof!" Cologne's staff connected ungently with Mousse's head, and the Chinese boy dropped like a sack of potatoes.

Cologne began to drag the unconscious boy away. "Begin packing, child. There are a few things I wish to discuss with Mousse." With that, Cologne began to drag Mousse away.

Akane had no intention of obeying. She wanted to see exactly what Cologne had planned. Making an effort to remain undetected, Akane followed the two until they disappeared into the basement. She pressed her ear to the basement door to try to hear the conversation.

"Listen closely, Mousse," Cologne stated coldly. "My great- granddaughter has finally been granted a chance at happiness, and she has sacrificed everything she holds dear to take advantage of that chance. I may never see her again, but I will make certain that you do not interfere with her happiness."

"What do you-" Mousse began.

"Silence. The Shampoo you knew is no longer with us. Her mind now resides in the body of Akane Tendo, whose mind, in turn, rests within Shampoo's former shell. Ranma will marry the woman he thinks is Akane in a few months. Shampoo will finally be wedded to the man she loves. Akane will return with us to China, where she will be adopted by the tribe."

"How could you!" Mousse sputtered. "How dare you marry sweet Shampoo to that overbearing Casanova?!"

"It was Shampoo's decision, Mousse. Keep that in mind."

Mousse attempted a more rational approach. "And what about Ranma? He loves Akane, not Shampoo."

"I could care less who Ranma loves. Shampoo's happiness is my only concern."

"I won't stand for this! And neither will Akane! Together, we'll put a stop to your evil ways!"

"I wouldn't expect much help from Akane." Akane could almost hear a smile in the old woman's voice. "She doesn't remember Ranma, Shampoo, or any other reason for staying here. You are, I assume, familiar with the Xi Fa Xiang Gao technique?"

"You fiend!"

"Fiend or no, I expect you to behave yourself. You wouldn't want anything...unfortunate to happen to Shampoo's body, now would you?"

Akane could hear the sounds of enraged combat, the aggressive clanking of chains and blades striking a wooden staff, the splashing of water, and finally annoyed quacking. Then, there was the sound of a cage door latching shut. "There. Now, Mousse, I will give you a chance to consider what I have told you. I will return later."

As Cologne's footsteps sounded against the wooden stairs, Akane retreated to Shampoo's room to feign the illusion that she had been packing. She unloaded Shampoo's wardrobe onto her bed just in time to see Cologne stop outside the door, look in, and nod with satisfaction. "You can find cardboard boxes in the storage room, Akane."

"Thanks, Cologne."

"Please, call me Great-Grandmother." Akane nodded.

As soon as Cologne was gone, Akane slipped out of her room and rushed down to where Mousse was imprisoned. She let the bespectacled white duck out of his confinement, and doused him with warm water. Akane turned away, blushing slightly while Mousse scrambled into his clothes.

As he dressed, he began, "Akane? What-"

"Shhh. Let me explain. Cologne messed up. Her technique didn't work, and I'm still myself. We've gotta move fast, if we're gonna put a stop to this."

Mousse's eyes lit up, and he nodded. Akane continued, "Do you have any idea what Cologne did to cause..." Akane's face scrunched up with disgust as she gestured at her foreign body, "...this?"

"I'm afraid not. I've seen the old crone try a lot of weird stunts, but nothing like this."

Akane sighed. "Well, too much to hope for, I guess. Still, our first priority is to warn Ranma. We can deal with Cologne later."

Mousse nodded, and clenched his fists in anger. "Who knows what sort of depraved things he might be doing with my Shampoo!"

Akane shot him an angry glance. "I'm more worried about what your Shampoo is doing with my body to try to make Ranma do depraved things with her! Keep in mind that Ranma and I are the victims here, Mousse. Shampoo is going to pay for this."

"Don't threaten Shampoo!" Mousse snarled. Then, he calmed. "Look, I'll help you get your body back, but you have to promise me two things. First, let me deal with Shampoo. No revenge." Akane's eyes widened incredulously. Before she could speak, however, Mousse continued. "Second, don't hurt her body while you have it. It's bad enough that you cut her hair."

Akane fumed, "Now wait a minute, duck-boy. I owe Shampoo some serious payback for this-"

"And you're not going to give it to her." Mousse interrupted, his cold stare conveying his seriousness. "I won't be a party to this if it means Shampoo will be harmed. If you're dead set on revenge, then you're on your own."

By an act of supreme willpower, Akane was able to resist the temptation to shout, "Who needs you!" and tenderize Mousse with her mallet. Instead, she drew a shuddering breath, and let it out slowly. Having Mousse along would probably help. If she approached Ranma on her own, claiming that she was Akane, Ranma probably wouldn't even listen to her. If Mousse was backing up her story, though, Ranma would certainly at least hear her out. "Agreed," Akane gritted through clenched teeth.

"Come on, then, before Great-Granny finds out what we're up to."

Akane and Mousse dashed up the stairs and out the front door. But no sooner had their feet touched the sidewalk than the two of them were engulfed in a black cloud of gas. Too late, Akane tried to hold her breath. Unfortunately, the breath she had drawn to hold had been saturated with the gas she was trying to avoid. The next thing she knew, Akane was collapsed paralyzed upon the ground, a regrettably familiar insane laughter ringing in her ears. "This is too easy!" gloated Kodachi Kunou. "Now that you're out of the way, I need merely immobilize that peasant cook and that tomboy, and darling Ranma will be all mine!" Kodachi continued rambling, apparently in some world of her own. "My poor, poor, Ranma. When he told me that our relationship was finished, I could tell that he was crying for help." Kodachi shook a fist at the air. "And help him I shall! I will save him from the harlots that would stand in the way of our pure love! So swears Kodachi Kunou, the Black Rose of Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics!" On that oath, Kodachi dashed out of sight, leaving a trail of black rose petals and peals of hideous laughter in her wake.

Akane couldn't move a muscle. The most she could do was blink. Judging by the lack of movement beside her, Mousse was in a similar condition. This was definitely not a good thing.

Time passed. Akane wanted to cry with frustration, but lacked the ability to do even that. The day was slipping past, and the paralyzation gas showed no sign of weakening. Eventually, the moment she had dreaded arrived. "Akane?" Cologne's voice called. The old woman appeared in the doorway of the Neko Hanten. "Akane!" Cologne dashed over to Akane's prone form with concern. "What happened, child?" Akane made a futile effort to answer, succeeding only in twitching her lips slightly. Cologne began prodding her body at various points, evidently examining her. "Hmmm, this is unfortunate. You seem to be under the influence of some type of paralytic gas. From what I can determine, you won't be able to move for another twenty hours, at least."

Cologne straightened with a sigh. "Well, I suppose you aren't going to be of much assistance for the time being. I'll have to pack on my own. And I can hardly bring you on board the airplane like this. I suppose you'll have to suffer the trip in the cat carrier. Pity."

When Akane could finally move again, she weighed ten pounds, was twenty inches tall, covered from head to tail in soft, white and pink fur, and just coming in for a landing in mainland China. Her anguished yowl served only to awaken a white duck imprisoned a few feet away. The duck's emotions echoed Akane's, but there was nothing either could do.

"Hiro, no!" Ranma shouted suddenly.

Akane's story was interrupted as she whirled to face the new threat. She was rewarded by a splash of cold water. Akane stood there for a moment sopping wet, and blinking with undisguised amazement. Then she laughed. "Very good...Hiro, was it?" Ranma's four-year-old son merely gazed at her petulantly, occasionally throwing disappointed glances at the empty water bucket in his hands. "It's been a long time since anyone's been able to sneak up on me." Akane turned back to Ranma. "Your son's quite a stealthy kid."

"Yeah," Ranma answered ruefully, but swelling unconsciously with pride. "He picks locks, too. We had to seal the cookie jar in cement." Ranma's eyes narrowed slightly, but not at Akane. "We think his 'Uncle Konatsu' has been giving him pointers. If Hiro starts cross dressing, I'm gonna wring that kunoichi's feminine neck. I don't care if he IS Ucchan's husband."

Hiro was furious. "Don't ignore me! Tenshi Am'gurykoo!" Hiro started to throw punches at Akane at a rate of about ten per second.

Akane blocked them without looking. "That's pretty impressive, kiddo. Your dad teach you that?"

Hiro was in tears. "Shut up! You hurt Mommy!"

Ranma looked stern. "Hiro, go back to the house. Daddy and Mommy need to talk to this woman. Mommy will be all right."

Hiro sniffed, "But-"

"Now, Hiro."

Glumly, Hiro stalked off. "If you hurt Mommy, then I'll KILL you!" Hiro yelled in parting. It was a humorous parody of his father.

Ranma turned to Akane. "So you found a cure."

"Wasn't hard," Akane shrugged. "Jusenkyo's within a day's walk from the Amazon village, and Great-Gran-Cologne knew where it was. It was still flooded until a few years ago. But once the water level went down, the pools were all back to normal. I brought some Spring of the Drowned Man water, if you want it."

Ranma shook his head. "Thanks, but I already found a cure. That idiot Happosai tried to summon a demon to destroy me after I finally kicked his butt." Ranma grinned. "But he didn't read the description of the demon in detail. Turns out that the demon wanted to grant me a wish. So, I used it to cure myself. I thought Happosai was going to burst when he found out what had happened. Not only hadn't he destroyed me, but my girl side was gone forever!" Akane had to laugh at that. "I'll take the water, though. I know a couple of people who'd like it."

"So how'd little Hiro know to throw water on me?"

"Bedtime stories. His mother and I often tell him stories about our high-school years. And many of those stories were about a certain purple-haired Amazon. That turned into a c...cc..." Ranma shuddered, unable to complete the sentence. "Anyway, he's seen it work on pop and Ryoga."

"Ryoga?" Akane asked suddenly. "When'd he get cursed? Poor guy. What does he turn into?"

Ranma suddenly paled, and glanced at his wife. She had long ago discovered that her pet P-Chan was actually Ryoga. Took it rather well, too, in Ranma's opinion. Maybe a little too well. "Um, I'd rather not talk about it. It's his business." If what this woman was saying was, hard as it was to believe, true, Ranma was going to have to watch his mouth. It was a skill he was still far from mastering.

Ranma suddenly noticed that his wife was glaring with unrestrained jealousy at the Amazon. Ranma noted this and gulped. He hadn't seen that expression on that face since he had married her, but parts of his mind still recalled the severe head trauma that usually followed such glares. "Er, anyway, so you woke up in China. What then?"

Akane shrugged. "I was adopted into the village. Great-Gra- Cologne made no secret of the fact that I wasn't Shampoo anymore, and pretty soon the villagers were treating me like one of their own. Basically, this meant that I was getting into a lot of fights. All of the women wanted to prove that they could beat Shampoo's body, and all of the men wanted to marry it." Akane shuddered. "I didn't even NEED to know Chinese for the first month. The only one who actually wanted to talk to me was Mousse. He and I kept looking for a chance to escape. Unfortunately, Great-grandmo-that old Ghoul kept me busy night and day. Anytime I wasn't fighting some villager, Gr-Cologne had me working like a slave. She still thought that I was brainwashed, but I guess she wasn't one for taking chances." Akane's face twisted sourly. "Besides, she wanted to train me to be her heir. That meant learning a ton about herbs and stuff, and lots of martial arts training. I've gotten pretty good, if I say so myself," Akane grinned smugly at her captive. Akane produced a hammer and absently began to flip it into the air and catch it. "Never took well to bonbouri though. Mallet's always been my weapon of choice. You'll be happy to know that your body's tournament record still stands untarnished, Shampoo. Except for that one loss to a certain redheaded outsider, of course."

"Herbs?" asked Ranma skeptically.

Akane faltered and dropped the hammer she was flipping. She glared at Ranma. "Ok, so I'm still a bit rusty on the herbs. What's the difference between ginger and mandrake anyway? Sides, if it wasn't for herbs, I never woulda got rid of Gr-Cologne."

On the floor, the crippled martial artist gasped. Akane grinned wickedly. "Don't worry, Shampoo. I didn't kill your Great-Grandmother. I tried to." Akane's face screwed up in thoughtful contemplation. "I still don't know just what went wrong. I thought I followed the recipe for Salamander's Venom' precisely. Anyway, I came up with something new. I slipped a bit into Grea-COLOGNE'S tea. Instead of dying of a terrible fever, she became violently ill for three days, and then set off in search of Happosai." Akane's smile broadened. "You should have seen her, Shampoo. There was love in the air!" Akane chuckled for a few moments. "Anyway, after a few more tests, I found out that the stuff I had made worked to reawaken old romances. I call it 'Old Flame Tonic'. Definitely a fitting punishment for your bastard Great-Grandmother. And for Happosai, too, I suppose." Akane's prisoner looked distinctly ill. Ranma was grinning.

Ranma was finding himself being convinced in spite of himself. This woman reminded him so much of the way Akane was before her...accident. When she had lost her voice. It was quite a while before Ranma and Akane had learned enough sign language to communicate (though Akane had learned to sign the phrase "I do" in time for their wedding). Still, she had seemed so...sweet. And nice. To him, at least. She seemed even more aggressive toward Ukyou and Kodachi. But toward Ranma, she had become unabashedly affectionate. She still hit him occasionally, of course, but it seemed to lack the conviction it used to. Ranma had assumed that the changes had come about because of his declaration of love, or because of her accident, or because of Shampoo's departure, or because of some combination of those. Now, he was less sure.

Suddenly, Ranma thought of a flaw in the purple-headed intruder's story. "Wait! Why didn't you just write?"

Akane smiled coldly. "I did. Six times. It wasn't easy, either. It was hard to find the time to write, and even harder to get them delivered without Great-Grand-" Akane's cold smile slipped, " AUGH! COLOGNE! NOT GREAT-GRANDMOTHER! I WILL NOT CALL THAT WORTHLESS, SHRIVELED UP OLD TROLL GREAT-GRANDMOTHER EVER AGAIN!!!" She slowly composed herself, and resumed her cold smile. "Anyway, I had to get them delivered without COLOGNE'S knowledge. I had Mousse smuggle them out, and he had to return quickly. I doubt Gr-Cologne would have harmed me, but Mousse didn't want to risk Shampoo's body by not returning soon enough for the old hag's tastes." Akane glared sourly at her prisoner. "Six times. One of them should have gotten though, at least. I guess they must have been intercepted. By someone."

Ranma glanced at his wife, hoping for some sign of denial. Instead, he saw her staring at the ground with despair. "Akane? Darling? Is-is this..."

[It's true,] the broken woman responded. [It's all true.]

As Ranma slumped, Akane's spirits soared. Triumphantly, she urged, "Go ahead, 'Akane darling'. Let's hear the whole story. Ranma, if you don't mind, I've been waiting a long time for this, and I don't know sign language. Could you translate?"

Too depressed to refuse, Ranma nodded. Shampoo began to sign, [My story begins a bit earlier than Akane's. Right after you told me th-that you didn't love me...]

Shampoo ran, blinded by her own tears. Her life, for all practical intents and purposes, was over. Her husband didn't love her. Ranma was going to marry that violent tomboy. Until now, there had been hope. Shampoo knew that Ranma was in love with Akane. She had known for a long time. But it was obvious that Akane didn't love him, or so Shampoo had made herself believe. She was always abusing him and insulting him, knowing that his honor prevented him from retaliating or even defending against her through any means but insults of his own. Shampoo had hoped that she would be able to save her husband from his folly, to somehow convince him that she loved him and Akane did not. To somehow turn his love from that ungrateful, undeserving woman. Now it was too late. Shampoo had failed and Ranma was going to marry the woman that he loved. And spend the rest of his life in misery by that choice.

Shampoo's mind vaguely registered the sensations of masonry crumbling into dust around her as she blindly ran, but she didn't care. All that mattered was that her own familiar bed was in front of her, and all she wanted to do was to cry until darkness overwhelmed her. And so she did.

She was awakened by a familiar touch and a familiar voice. "Shampoo. What is wrong?"

Shampoo blearily blinked her eyes, wondering where she was. Then, the events of the day returned to her in force, and her eyes filled once more with tears. She threw her arms around her Great-Grandmother and sobbed, "Oh, Great-Grandmother! R-Ranma s-say he no..." Shampoo shuddered miserably, "he n-no love Shampoo! He say he marry stupid, violent, tomboy Akane!"

Cologne sighed, and patted her distraught great-granddaughter's back. "Then we are too late. I am sorry, child. There is little more we can do."

Shampoo's sobs doubled in intensity. Cologne merely held her, waiting for her great-granddaughter to compose herself. Finally, Shampoo pulled free from her embrace, and drew a ragged breath. She whispered, "Is nothing we can do? Shampoo want save Ranma from unhappy marriage with Akane." Shampoo's eyes hardened fiercely for a moment. "Akane no love Ranma. She only marry Ranma because stupid engagement."

Cologne's eyes bored into Shampoo's. "I would not be so sure of that, Shampoo. Nevertheless, the true question is, do you love Ranma?"

Shampoo's eyes widened indignantly. "Of course Shampoo love Ranma! Ranma beat Shampoo."

Cologne shook her head sharply. "No. When an outsider male defeats an Amazon, that Amazon is required to marry that outsider. She is not required to love him. I ask you again, and answer me seriously: Do you love Ranma? If you were to suddenly learn that he had never defeated you, would you still love him? What would you be willing to give up for him? Answer me, Shampoo, and consider your answer very carefully."

Shampoo looked uncertain for a moment. She had never thought about her love in the detail that her great-grandmother requested. It was a part of her that she had never thought to question. In her mind, she had always associated her love with Ranma's victory over her. But without that victory? The answer came to her. "At first Shampoo love Ranma only because he beat Shampoo. But after Shampoo know Ranma many months, Shampoo see more of Ranma than just strength. Ranma kind and honorable. Ranma no love Shampoo, but no want hurt Shampoo." Shampoo drew a shuddering breath for what she was about to say. "Shampoo willing give up anything to marry Ranma. Shampoo gladly die for Ranma."

"Just your life?" Cologne asked harshly. "It is relatively easy to give up one's life, Shampoo. All it takes is a modicum of courage and a great deal of stupidity. But are you willing to give up your honor? Would you be willing to discard your status as a Chinese Amazon? Are you willing to throw away everything that you hold dear for this man? All that you've struggled your whole life to attain?"

Shampoo froze nervously, pinned beneath Cologne's icy stare and startled by her vehement words. Once again, she thought carefully before answering, and then answering reluctantly, "Y- yes. Shampoo give all that and more."

Cologne seemed to crumple, her hostility vanishing like smoke in the wind. She suddenly looked very old and tired, yet also strangely satisfied. "I see. I must admit that I had hoped it would never come to this stage. Yet, your happiness means more to me than anything. Shampoo, there is a way."

Shampoo's heart leapt in her chest, but she said nothing, merely urging her great-grandmother on with her attentive gaze. "Among the treasures of the Joketsuzoku that I brought with us is a certain magical artifact. This artifact is known as the Rod of Transferal. With it, I can give you Akane's body."

Shampoo shrunk in horror. "Make Shampoo into ugly violent tomboy? No!"

Cologne's eyes hardened. "You did say that you were willing to give up anything. Are you now saying that your body is too much to lose?"

Shampoo recovered from her initial revulsion and meekly replied, "No, Great-Grandmother. Shampoo's body not too much. But how looking like Akane help Shampoo? Akane still problem!"

"You misunderstand me, child. The Rod of Transferal does not merely give you another's form. It moves one's mind to his or her body, and his or her mind to one's own. You will have Akane's body, not just her appearance, and she will have your body. You will merely have to emulate Akane to the best of your ability and Ranma will marry you, none the wiser. I will return with Akane to China, and you can live out your days with Ranma at your side."

Shampoo thought about this. She was tempted, in spite of the cost. Yet a problem still remained. "It still not work. Shampoo's Japanese good, but still not perfect. Ranma be able to tell for sure."

Cologne nodded gravely. "It is true. That is the greatest problem with this approach. The solution requires that you make a sacrifice possibly more painful than any of the others. It will be necessary to totally eliminate Akane's voice."

"What you mean?"

"I believe that the 'Silence Touch' should suffice. The Silence Touch is a shiatsu technique designed to utterly and permanently remove one's ability to communicate vocally. When applied, the Silence Touch shatters the victim's voice box and destroys certain clusters of nerves in the tongue. The victim becomes unable to produce any sort of vocal sound, and becomes unable to adequately shape words. He or she becomes forever unable to talk, whisper, sing, or even scream or whimper. Because of its permanence and poor fighting value, it has been justly forbidden by the tribe as a cruel and dishonorable fighting technique. Any Amazon who uses this technique is to be forever banished from the Joketsuzoku." Cologne's eyes bored into Shampoo's. "Shampoo, I will teach you this technique, and you will use it on Akane after defeating her. Then, I will use the Rod of Transferal to exchange your mind with Akane's. From that point on, you will never be able to speak again. Your only recourse will be to learn a non-vocal language--sign-language, perhaps. Your unfamiliarity with the language will cover up your difficulties with Japanese quite nicely. Now, I ask you one final time. Are you truly willing to give up all this? To never again know the joys of being a Chinese Amazon? To spend the rest of your days in a body not your own? To never again be able to speak aloud?"

Shampoo suddenly found that her mouth was too dry to speak. It was indeed a lot to give up. Was Ranma truly worth such a sacrifice?

Shampoo nodded decisively.

Cologne nodded as well, and Shampoo's final lesson began.

Shampoo gradually became aware of an uncomfortable throbbing sensation. It took her a few moments to realize why, and then a few moments more to remember exactly how she had come to be lying battered upon the packed earth of the vacant lot. Akane. Akane had beaten her senseless, and hadn't even made that great an effort. How had she become so powerful? Perhaps the tomboy had been right. Perhaps Shampoo HAD been spending far too much time mooning over Ranma, and far too little time training.

Shampoo cracked open her eyes. A painful haze obscured her vision, but was beginning to fade. As her sight returned, Shampoo became aware that her great-grandmother was perched motionless upon her staff, eyeing her with a mixture of curiosity and concern. No disappointment, thankfully. Shampoo didn't think that she would be able to take her great-grandmother's disappointment on top of her own shame.

"Not quite the easy fight you were expecting, was it, Shampoo?" asked Cologne wryly. "I am certain that you realize that there are a number of valuable lessons you could learn from this incident. I'll not bother to list them."

Shampoo grimaced and rubbed her head. "Yes, Great-Grandmother."

Cologne gestured to the unconscious form sprawled at the base of her staff. "Did you apply the 'Silence Touch'? The ramen box did not supply an adequate view of the battlefield."

"Yes, Great-Grandmother. Akane stop talking and cough blood after Shampoo hit points. Her voice gone."

"Then there is no need to delay the inevitable. Shampoo, come, sit next to Akane." Shampoo hesitated. "Do not fear, the transfer technique is quite painless."

Fear of pain had little to do with Shampoo's hesitation. Looking down upon Akane's unconscious body, she was again suffering from second thoughts. Did she really want to look like her? Feel like her? Be her? For the rest of her life? Ranma, Shampoo urged herself. I have to remember Ranma. With Ranma, it will all be worth it.

Shampoo knelt uneasily beside Akane's body. "What Shampoo do now?"

"Just relax. It will be necessary to reduce you to unconsciousness as well, so that Akane does not find herself awake in your body too soon." Cologne reached out, and Shampoo's mind darkened once more.

Shampoo opened Akane's eyes and studied the world through them. It appeared much like it had in her former form. The air smelled the same, and the ground remained hard and unyielding. Shampoo wasn't sure what she had expected from the transformation, but little seemed different so far. It wasn't until she staggered to her feet that she noticed any sort of change. She felt wildly off balance. It was, actually, a sensation she was familiar with--when she had first transformed into a cat, she had been almost unable to walk, due to the rather extreme change dealt to her center of balance. She quickly recovered.

"How do you feel, Shampoo?" her Great-Grandmother asked in Chinese.

Shampoo turned to face her. "I think it worked," she didn't answer, also in Chinese. A look of horrified resignation crossed her face as she lifted a hand to gingerly touch the throat that had failed to form the words she desired.

Cologne nodded grimly. "I must verify your authenticity," she remarked, still in Chinese. "As Akane does not understand our language, neither would she understand these instructions: Nod three times and lift your right hand, as if in greeting." Shampoo dutifully responded as requested. Cologne shifted to Japanese again. "Excellent. Now but one task remains." Cologne gestured for Shampoo to look behind her.

Shampoo turned. It was an eerie sight. Though she had seen herself many times in many mirrors, it was another thing entirely to see a similar sight without the reassuring comfort of glass interposed between herself and her reflection. The fact that her 'reflection' was now securely bound with sturdy rope did not lessen the oddity. "She bested you in combat, Shampoo," Cologne uttered. "As a Chinese Amazon defeated by an outsider female, it is your duty to administer the Kiss of Death."

The revelation hit Shampoo with a mixture of fascination and horror. She had never killed before, though she was perfectly capable of and willing to take a life if honor required it. Was this then to be her final rite of passage? To execute her own former self? As though mesmerized, Shampoo took a hesitant step toward the unconscious purple-haired form.

Abruptly she stopped, shaking her head. No. She did not want to kill Akane. Akane was her rival, true, but she and Shampoo had been through so much together, and not always as opponents. As much as she hated to admit it, Shampoo had developed a sort of respect for the girl. In another, more perfect world, she might even have welcomed Akane as a kindred spirit, strong and indomitable. But in this world, honor suddenly seemed a poor reason to kill her. Besides, in a very literal sense, Shampoo had already taken Akane's life. Silently, as she could no longer be otherwise, Shampoo shook her head.

"A pity," Cologne sighed melodramatically. "First the Silence Touch, and now refusing to fulfill the Kiss of Death. Shampoo, as an Elder of the Village of Chinese Amazons, it is my duty to inform you that you are exiled. Now and forever, you are unwelcome in the village of the Joketsuzoku. To return there is death. You are stripped of the title of Warrior. You are dead to your family, and to all Joketsuzoku." Then, Cologne smiled wryly. "Congratulations, my ex-great-granddaughter."

Shampoo smiled wanly in response, but her guts twisted with the horrifying reality of what she had done. She had known that the path she had chosen meant leaving her past utterly and irrevocably behind, but the reality was chilling, to say the least. She was no longer a Warrior. She would never again see the friends and family she had left behind at her village. Once Great-Grandmother left--no, she no longer had the right to call her that. She was her great-grandmother no longer. She was, now and forever, Cologne, Elder of a tribe now foreign to Shampoo. The very fact that she was still speaking to her was a clear breach of her duties as an Elder, and was no small token of the great love she bore for her. Involuntarily, Shampoo's eyes filled with tears of happiness and sorrow. Happiness for having been blessed with kinship to such a woman, and sorrow for having to leave her forever.

Cologne sighed. "There is nothing more for you to do here. To be truthful, I am glad that you spared Akane's life. She will make a great Amazon, once her thoughts are altered by the Xi Fa Xiang Gao. Do not worry, she shall not trouble you while I live." Shampoo's eyes widened with understanding. She had wondered exactly how Cologne was going to restrain Akane without killing her. The Xi Fa Xiang Gao would work nicely.

Cologne spoke once more."Farewell, child. May you live long and happily with Ranma as your husband."

"No way!" a familiar voice shouted, "Ranma is gonna be MY husband!" Cologne and Shampoo turned to face Akane, the latter rather unnerved by hearing her voice being used by another. "What happened to my voice?" Akane gasped.

Shampoo watched with some sympathy as Akane studied her new body with growing horror. "What have you done to me?" the girl asked, obviously at the edge of her wits. Shampoo shared a concerned glance with her former great-grandmother. If Akane became hysterical, Cologne could use Shampoo's help.

However, Cologne waved her away. "Go, child. I will do what needs to be done." Tears welling unbidden in her eyes, Shampoo embraced the tiny old woman she so loved one last time. Cologne lovingly returned the embrace before carefully but firmly pushing the girl away. "Go," she said once more. Unable to think of any meaningful reason to stay, and unwilling to let an enemy see her cry, Shampoo hurried off.

When she burst into the Tendo home, the tears she shed were not faked, though the explanation she gave for them was. Using brief shorthand to hide her somewhat poor literacy, Shampoo described on paper both her fight and the fact that her voice wasn't working. The next several hours were spent visiting Dr. Tofu, who confirmed that his patient had suffered the Silence Touch, and keeping Ranma from seeking revenge against Shampoo. It was relatively easy to do, Ranma was still reluctant to harm women, especially when they were in love with him. And when Shampoo gazed soulfully up at Ranma with Akane's big, brown eyes, and silently begged him not to leave her side, well, there was little Ranma could do but obey.

Shampoo finished her narrative and stared at the floor. The secret she had kept for a decade had been revealed, but she refused to look up, unwilling to witness the pain she knew would be on her husband's face. Tumultuous emotions surged and flowed through her; wrenching guilt for lying to her husband for so long, furious rage at Akane for revealing her secret, desperate worry for her children, who might soon be without a mother. A divorce seemed likely, at the very least. Perhaps if she was lucky, Akane might kill her and save her family the emotional trauma a divorce would promote. And save her from having to say good bye to Ranma forever.

Shampoo could not meet Ranma's gaze, but Akane's was another matter. The former Amazon slowly lifted her head to meet Akane's eyes. Shampoo was somewhat surprised to see that Akane was not wearing a smirk of victory. Instead, her face was blank and emotionless, perhaps with a tinge of...sadness?

Why sadness? Akane had won! Ranma would soon be free to marry her, and leave Shampoo behind forever, without a home, without love, and without honor. So what cause had Akane to be sad? Shampoo could only think of one place to look to find her answers. Turning slowly, dreading what she would see, Shampoo looked into her husband's eyes.

It was as bad as she had expected. Ranma's gaze of hopelessly forlorn betrayal hurt her like a slap in the face. Every now and then, he would move his mouth, as though trying to think of something to say, or trying to think of a question to ask. Shampoo tore her eyes away from Ranma, tears beginning to flow. Her emotions collected themselves and gave way to a single, overpowering feeling of anger. How dare she? Hurting Shampoo was one thing, but to cause such torment to Ranma was something else. [Are you satisfied?] she signed furiously. [Revenge against me is understandable. But did you really have to destroy my husband as well?] Shampoo's attempt at communication was, of course, pointless. Unfortunately, Akane completely misinterpreted Shampoo's mood.

Akane's eyes narrowed and her temper flared. "You have the nerve to be angry with me?! After what you put me through?" Akane shook her head in disgust. "I had hoped that you had some bit of decency. I wanted to force you to realize the kind of lie you were living. The only revenge I wanted was to see the look on your face when Ranma realized what you had done. And now you look at me as if this was all MY fault!?!" Akane grasped her sword once more and lifted it menacingly.

"Akane, no!"

Akane froze at Ranma's voice. "And why not?" Akane answered, her voice dripping with venomous ire.

"Because I don't want you to hurt her," answered Ranma quietly. "She's my wife."

Akane's eyes hardened, and her voice turned cold. "Your 'wife', huh? Of course. It is the duty of a martial artist to protect his wife. A matter of honor. But what about love, Ranma? Who do you love? Akane? Or Akane's body?"

Ranma paused a moment, and then met Akane's eyes with an unwavering gaze. "I love my wife."

Akane returned Ranma's gaze for a few moments longer, and then nodded. Then she broke into a smile, most of the cold anger fading from her expression. "I'm glad to hear you say that Ranma. It makes this so much easier to say. You see, Ranma, I don't love you anymore. It's just been too long, and I've changed too much."

Ranma's look of mortification was almost enough to make Akane laugh. Ranma had never taken rejection well. Shampoo was utterly confused. [Then why did you do this? Why, if you didn't want to win Ranma back?] Akane stared blankly at Shampoo's weaving fingers. Fortunately, Ranma had the same question.

"You mean, you don't want to marry me?" he asked.

Akane shook her head, a smirk fixed firmly upon her lips. "Nope. Already married. To Mousse."

"[WHAT?]" Ranma and Shampoo exclaimed together. Akane's smirk widened into a grin. The expressions on their faces were absolutely priceless, in themselves worth the trip to Nerima.

Akane sobered once more, and decided to explain. "Once again, your meddling great-grandmother is to blame, Shampoo. At least partly. You see, after I had been living in the Amazon village for a year, I had become very tired of all of the men who tried to fight me for my hand in marriage. Mousse thought so as well, and he was afraid that I might eventually lose and marry Shampoo's body off to someone else before I had a chance to return Shampoo's mind to it. Since he intended to marry you anyway, we agreed to marry one another and live in celibacy. Once we traded bodies again, you would already be conveniently married to Mousse, and I to Ranma. Unfortunately, Great-Gr-Cologne had other plans. Oh, she was ecstatic when I married Mousse. She thought it was a great match. Unfortunately, the celibacy part didn't go over too well with her at all. She had been hoping to be able to see her great-great-grandchildren before passing on, and after a year with no sign of them, she got impatient." Akane blushed deeply. "She hit us with some kind of powerful aphrodisiac. Neither Mousse nor I could remember exactly what happened, but it must have been quite a night. When we finally came to our senses, we were both exhausted and our room was a wreck. Mousse was devastated. He moped around for months, constantly begging for my forgiveness and whining about being unfaithful to Shampoo. Me, I was furious, pure and simple. But I just chalked it up as another thing I owed the old hag for."

Akane sighed. "Even after that, we were both set on getting our respective loves back. At least, until we discovered that I was pregnant. With twins. When they were born, he and I decided to name them Ranma and Shampoo, and to finally give up on their namesakes. Mousse really does make a dutiful husband. I don't love him, and he doesn't love me, but we are good friends. And, of course, we love our children dearly. It hurt badly to have to leave them."

"Then why did you?" asked Ranma.

"Revenge," Akane answered. "I just couldn't let Shampoo go unpunished for what she had done. She destroyed my life, Ranma. Even if she gave me another one to replace it, I had to do something. I needed her to feel at least some of the pain that I felt." Akane looked guilty. "I admit that I never really wanted to hurt you, Ranma. Just her. That's why I brought a bottle of Formula 110. If you like, before I leave, I'll make you forget I was ever here. You'll go back to thinking that she's me, just as if nothing ever happened. But she'll remember. She'll remember the hurt in your eyes when she explained what she had done. Every time she answers to my name, she'll feel a stab of guilt. Your children don't ever need to know."

Ranma pondered that a moment, before noticing that his wife was shaking her head vigorously. When she had his attention, she signed, [No, no more. I've lived a lie for too long, even if it was worth every minute. I need you to know me for who I am, or not at all.] She smiled bleakly. [Can you really love me?]

[I think so,] Ranma signed back. [It's going to take me a while to forgive you for lying to me, but I'm pretty sure of one thing: Whoever she is, I love the woman I've been married to for ten years. I just want to know how we're gonna explain this one to the kids...]

"The technique won't be necessary," Ranma answered aloud, still looking at Shampoo.

As the two smiled warmly at each other, Akane smirked. "Oh, how touching. Well, I'll let you two get reacquainted. I'd better be getting back to China. Mousse is probably worried about me."

"After a month and a half?" a familiar voice called from the training hall entrance. "You could say that."

The color drained from Akane's face. "Er, hi, Mousse." Akane flipped a nervous grin at Ranma and Shampoo. "I gotta go. Mousse and I have a few things to talk about. Drowned Man water's on the kitchen table. So long! I'll write."

Akane bolted out the door. A moment later Ranma and Shampoo could hear voices fading into the distance:

"A few things to talk about, Akane? I'll say! Let's start with this obsession with revenge."

"Who are YOU to be lecturing me on obsession? Mr. 'I can't bear to live another day without you, Shampoo!'"

"Hey, I've gotten over that!"

"Oh, yeah? What about the six hundred color glossy photos of her you sort daily? Or did you think I didn't notice?"

"They're pictures of you!"

"Oh, so you're obsessing over me now? Pervert!"

"Who are you calling a pervert?! And why would anyone want to obsess over a tomboy like you?"

"Tomboy? I'll show you a tomboy!"

By then, the two were too far away for Ranma and Shampoo to hear the tinkling sound of hidden weapons shattering under blow after blow from Akane's mallets, but they had heard enough. [Deja vu,] Shampoo signed, slack-jawed. [She said they didn't love each other?]

Ranma shrugged. "Seems like true love to me." Ranma lifted Shampoo into his arms. "C'mon, Shampoo. We've gotta get Dr. Tofu to look at that leg. Then, we're gonna have to have a little talk with Hiro."

Shampoo nodded. Inwardly, she was anxious. Her life had changed today, almost as much at it had changed the day she had assumed Akane's identity. Now that she had dropped that identity, the future seemed dim and uncertain. Even so, she was glad that she was no longer living a lie. A great burden had been removed from her shoulders, whatever the eventual outcome. She had lived as someone else for ten years. She intended to enjoy being herself once again. And hopefully, Ranma would enjoy it as well.

The End

Afterword:

The fanfic which inspired this plot was 'Deep Reflections', by Scott K. Jameson. In that particular fanfic, Ranma's mother fashions four lockets from the shattered remains of the mystical Nanban mirror (a magical time-travel device), and gives one to each of Ranma's love interests (Akane, Ukyou, Shampoo, and Kodachi). When Ukyou uses hers to travel to a future in which she is married to Ranma, she discovers that Ranma is apparently married to Akane. As it turns out, it was Ukyou in Akane's body. In a selfless attempt to save Akane's life after she was accidentally beheaded by a berserk Tatewaki Kunou, Ukyou activated a mystical artifact. Akane's body was healed, but her soul was gone, replaced by Ukyou's. Ukyou's body then died. Rather than sadden Ranma with the truth, Ukyou decided to live as Akane. I just loved the story, but I wondered what might have happened if one of the fiancees were provided the opportunity to steal Akane's body for more selfish reasons. And so I wrote this.

Comments and criticism, as always, are quite welcome, and strongly encouraged.