Author's Notes:

Heh. I can't believe that this is the first thing I've posted to
Fanfiction.net. Please don't consider this a typical example of my
writing - this was just something that I threw together on the spur of the
moment in an e-mail to my sister. She thought it was cute, and that I
should publish it, and so I did. It's definitely not meant to be taken
seriously. Anyway, there are spoilers a-plenty ahead, so don't read it if
you haven't played through the game - heck it probably won't make much
sense to you if you haven't, anyway.

Anyway, Final Fantasy X belongs to those crazy cats at Squaresoft, whom I
thank heartily for a series of great games (even if there are a few I
haven't played, yet), and I hope they don't mind my little spoof.

And now, I present:

Final Fantasy X: Summarized!

Long ago, there was this war between Zanarkand and Bevelle. Zanarkand was
getting its collective butt handed to it, and so the then-leader, Yu
Yevon, unleashed a doomsday device, intended to drag Bevelle and the whole
world down with them. That device was Sin, and Sin proceeded to wander
around destroying stuff, as it was built to do. Now, normally, one
wouldn't expect someone like Yu Yevon to be the most popular guy in the
world, but, after a few centuries, that's exactly what happened. Go
figure.

Anyway, while Sin was off making a hash of Bevelle (and anyplace else it
could get its fins on), all the dead Zanarkandians decided that they
didn't wanna be, and so formed the Fayth, to keep Zanarkand alive in their
dreams. Well, everyone has to have a hobby - even the dead, I suppose.

Meanwhile, Yunalesca, Yu Yevon's daughter was off getting a tan on some
tropical beach (I know this, because she's STILL wearing her bathing suit,
even after a thousand years), when she heard the news that Zanarkand was
destroyed, and her old man was trying to do the same to the rest of the
world. This annoyed her, because she was in the rest of the world at the
time, and didn't particularly want to see it go boom. So, she comes up
with this way to beat up Sin. Unfortunately, her dad was better at this
kind of thing than she was, and so while HER mega-aeons could beat up HIS
mega-aeons, he could kipe her aeon afterwards and make a new Sin. Plus,
she could only do it once, being dead afterward, while he could keep it up
indefinitely.

And, so, the centuries pass. The Fayth keep dreaming, and Sin keeps
breaking stuff, and Summoners keep beating it down. The people of Bevelle
decide that anyone who can put out that level of hurt is someone that it
would be in their best interests to respect, and so start a huge and
elaborate religion centered around Yu Yevon. Over time, the religion
develops into a full-fledged opiate-for-the-masses, keeping people happy
by telling them that all this carnage is all their fault, which, oddly
seems to work pretty well. The clergy also take the opportunity to dis the
Al Bhed, by telling them that they couldn't play with their machina toys
anymore (to which the Al Bhed gave them the raspberry). So, while the
Church of Yevon is doing a nice job of making the world seem like it isn't
so bad, they aren't really doing much to truly improve the situation.

The Fayth are really kind of embarrassed about the whole wanton
destruction thing and so keep coming up with newfangled ways to help the
living world out. For a long time, this meant churning out new and better
minor aeons (also known as "wimpeons"), which, while useful in
hand-to-hand combat, weren't particularly good for battling a critter used
to munching on cities for breakfast. Finally, though, they realize that
they've become so good at creating solid objects in the living world, that
they could actually resurrect one of the original residents of Zanarkand
into the waking world... Why, they could reawaken their finest warrior,
who, armed with the long lost secrets of their destroyed city, could
finally destroy Sin forever!

Instead, they sent Jecht, because they were all big blitzball fans.

Jecht, being the egotistical, alcoholic charmer he is, quickly manages to
get himself thrown in jail. The Fayth aren't particularly amused, but
can't really do anything about it, being dead and all. Fortunately, Braska
has decided that, against Auron's advice, what he REALLY needs to make his
ragtag band of misfits and hooligans complete is an actual hooligan, and
so takes a tour of the local hoosegow to find a criminal to recruit. Jecht
is the most disreputable man he finds there, and so he signs him up
immediately, much to Auron's disgust.

So, the three of them go a-pilgriming, with lots of zany antics on the
part of easy-going Braska, uptight Auron, and self-absorbed Jecht. Along
the way, Jecht gradually learns responsibility, and Auron begins to see
the good in Jecht, and they all become good friends, dedicated to saving
Spira.

Then they reach Zanarkand, and do exactly the same thing that all the
previous Summoners have done. Braska sacrifices himself to change Jecht
into a mega-aeon, Jecht proceeds to beat the crap out of Sin, and Yu Yevon
turns Jecht into the next Sin. And the Fayth slap their collective
forehead, because all their hard work was for nothing. Auron, for his
part, is understandably pissed, and so Yunalesca kills him out of pity.
This wasn't quite the solution that Auron was hoping for (especially since
Jecht had asked him to look after his kid), and so he crawls home,
mortally wounded, but alive, and hands Yuna over to Khimari for
safekeeping. Then he dies.

Since that's REALLY inconvenient for his plans, Auron stays Unsent. This
turns out to be a blessing in disguise, because he can now travel to the
dream Zanarkand where Jecht came from, and look after Tidus, as Jecht had
asked. Unfortunately, Auron turns out to be almost as poor a father-figure
as Jecht was, and so the next several years of Tidus's life are not
exactly all sunshine and roses.

The years pass, and Sin returns. So, the Fayth decide that it's time to
try again. Since the Fayth generally take at least a thousand years before
they'll actually try something new, they go with the same plan as last
time. And, again, instead of a great warrior, they pick the star blitzball
player. The fact that he's the son of the old fan-favorite is just an
added bonus.

So, dream-Tidus becomes real-Tidus, and he's even worse at his mission
than Jecht was. At least Jecht had his colossal ego to fall back on.
Tidus has nothing. Still, being the plucky young hero he is, he quickly
befriends a pretty Al Bhed girl who, over the space of a couple hours,
punches him in the stomach and kicks him in the face, but is otherwise
pretty nice.

After the two go diving for airships, Sin comes by to see his son and
accidentally knocks him into the ocean while trying to give him a playful
noogie. Tidus washes up on a beach, where his blitzball skills earn him a
new circle of friends in Wakka and the Besaid Aurochs. After Wakka 
provides him with food and a warm bed, Tidus proceeds to stomp all over
his hospitality by breaking almost every sacred law he can find on short
notice. Fortunately, Wakka's a rather forgiving sort, and so it turns out
all right. Tidus then meets Lulu and Yuna, and decides that the babe
factor in the latter is mighty high (the fact that he almost completely
ignores the former may be one of the big reasons that Lulu's so cold to
him at first).

Tidus decides to tag along with the cute girl. Oh, and Lulu and Wakka,
too. Ostensibly, because he's trying to get home, and someone in Luca
might recognize him if he plays blitzball there. He next meets Khimari who
turns out to be almost as good a friend as the Al Bhed girl, as he 
attempts to poke Tidus to death with a very pointy stick on their first
meeting.

The five of them head for Luca, stopping off in Kilika after Sin makes
ANOTHER attempt at some father-son bonding, resulting in the
near-destruction of Kilika. In Luca, Auron joins the team, and picks where
he left off in his Tidus-nagging, much to Tidus's dismay. They also meet
Maester Seymour for the first time, who seems like a pretty nice guy,
though Tidus instantly dislikes him because he spends a little too much
time smiling at Yuna.

The six of them head onwards, and eventually arrive at Mushroom Rock,
where Sin proceeds to paste a bunch of Crusaders and Al Bhed, while
several high ranking members of the Yevon Priesthood smirkingly look on.
Once the body count is high enough, and the sprits of the Crusaders are
broken, the Priesthood magnimoniously welcomes the heretical Crusaders
back into their ranks. The Al Bhed, of course, have better sense, and
crawl back to their desert Home to heal.

Not long afterwards, it is finally revealed to Tidus that the end of the
Pilgrimage will be the end of Yuna's life. Tidus is FURIOUS that they were
keeping this from him. He wants to stop the pilgrimage right there, but
Auron slaps him upside the head and he shuts up.

The merry band continues onward, and Rikku, the girl who'd befriended
Tidus earlier, joins the team after attempting to kidnap Yuna. Fortunately,
Tidus was so impressed with the first impression she'd given him so long
ago, instantly trusts her, and doesn't question the decision made by Yuna
and Lulu to let her join the team.

Whatever worries Tidus might have had about this situation were swept
aside by another concern, however: When they reach Guadosalam, Seymour
seriously infringes on Tidus's territory by proposing to Yuna. What REALLY
sets him on edge, though, is that Yuna seems to think it's a good idea.
So, in a generally bad mood, Tidus follows Yuna to Macalania Temple, where
Seymour reveals that he's actually a homicidal maniac who wants to kill
everyone in the world, and Yuna reveals that she knew this all along and
was just trying to get close enough to him that it would be easier to find
a good place to stick a knife, and so everything is okay. Or, it would be
if killing him didn't result in them all being excommunicated and hunted
down like dogs.

Fortunately, they fall through a hole in the ice and land on top of Sin,
where they are much safer. Sin drops them all off on Bikanel Island, where
the Yevonites are blowing away the Al Bhed for the grim crime of trying to
find a way to beat Sin that doesn't require killing Summoners and making
Sin from their Guardians. Rikku's upset by this, but at least the team
gets a cool airship to use. This is especially fortunate, because Yuna's
been captured, and the team needs to bust in to Bevelle to get her back.
The team busts in, and all get captured, instead.

They discover that, not only has Seymour recovered from being killed, but
the well-loved Maester Mika is ALSO Unsent. Of the two remaining Maesters,
Kelk Ronso decides that the ratio of Unsent Maesters to alive Maesters is
definitely not to his liking, and so heads home to Mt. Gagazet. Yuna,
meanwhile, agrees to marry Seymour in order to save her friends. Seymour 
kisses her (ew!), and then orders them all killed anyway. Fortunately, 
they all get away, and Tidus helps Yuna get all that dead guy taste out of
her mouth by making out with her in a pond.

They travel onward, engaging in zany side quests such as a meeting with
Lulu's tragically fated former Summoner, who died just after obtaining
Yojimbo because Lulu just wasn't guardian enough to protect her.
Considering that they were fighting such creatures as Tonberries and Dark
Elements, while Lulu was (presumably) even more inexperienced a mage than
she is when Tidus first meets her, it's no wonder.

The gang crosses Mt. Gagazet, with the Ronsos' blessing, and when they
reach the top, they discover that Seymour, who's STILL not dead, has
slaughtered the entire Ronso race! (Well, except for the blitzball team.
Oh, and that weapon salesman. And also that older Ronso and the child
Ronso. But other than that, the entire Ronso race!) So, they bust him up
again.

A little later, Tidus talks with the Fayth, and they tell him that he is
just a dream, without really providing any helpful information. Oh, and
if Sin is killed for good, Tidus will die, because the Fayth will stop
dreaming. So, with a bit of worry added but nothing else useful, Tidus
continues on.

The group reaches Zanarkand and have a charming conversation with Lady
Yunalesca, in which she reveals what has to be done in order to stop Sin
for a while. Yuna's pissed, because she came all that way only to learn
that she has to turn one of her good friends into Sin just to put Sin down
for a few years. So, she tells Yunalesca where to stick it, and gets
medieval on her ass.

After permanently destroying the only even partially successful method
for defeating Sin that anyone's ever come up with, Yuna cools off and
decides that it might be a good idea to come up with an alternative
method. They go to chat with Maester Mika, who has reconsidered his hasty
decision to execute the most promising Summoner of the current batch, and
wants Yuna to go perform the Final Summoning. Naturally, he freaks when
Yuna tells him what they've done, and commits suicide (if it can be called
that, when you're already dead) rather than watch Spira's doom.
Fortunately, the Fayth are a little more helpful this time - but only a
little. They pretty much confirm what Tidus's gang has already figured
out: Yes, Sin can be calmed by the sound of the Hymn of the Fayth, and
yes, it can be defeated by killing Yu Yevon.

By now, Tidus is feeling a bit hypocritical about whining about not being
told that Yuna was going to kill herself with the Final Summoning, now
that he knows that Sin's death is going to mean his own, and he hasn't
told anyone. At least, he SHOULD feel hypocritical. I mean, the NERVE of
the guy. Anyway, Yuna pulls a few strings and gets the whole world to sing
"It's a Small World After All". This only enrages Sin, however, and so
they go back to their original plan and have everyone sing the Hymn of the
Fayth. Sin gapes at them like a hick while they chop their way inside.

There they find - surprise! - Seymour! They paste his limey ass - for
GOOD, this time - and continue on in to meet with Jecht. After a tearful
reunion, the full moon comes out, and Jecht turns into an enormous monkey
and starts destroying stuff. Well, he would if this were Dragonball Z, but
it isn't. So, instead, he turns into his mega-aeon mode and gets totaled
by his loving son and his friends.

Yu Yevon, who's not quite the man he once was (and, in fact, is now a
blobby purple floaty squid-thing), is now without an Aeon, and so starts
to use Yuna's. Everyone has a great time pounding on Yuna's Aeons, whom
they never really liked anyway, 'cause they were always making the rest of
them look bad, and once Yuna runs out, they lay the smack down on Yu Yevon
himself.

Finally, Yu Yevon is dead! Sin is destroyed! The world is safe. And now,
Auron decides that since he's dead, he really ought to start acting like
it. With a sad farewell, he allows himself to be Sent.

But that's not the only goodbye! With Sin gone, the Fayth have decided to
move on as well. And as they go, so does their Dreaming. Which, sadly,
includes Tidus. Tidus chooses that moment to reveal that he's only a
dream, and that he's going to be going now. Yuna is upset by this, but
there's not much they can do. She can't even hug him, because he's half
gone already. So, rather than put things off any longer, Tidus jumps off
the airship. One could only hope that he finished disappearing before he
hit anything hard. Ouch!

The rest of the gang returns to a normal life (well, as normal as their
respective lives are likely to get). Yuna faces the adoration of Spira,
and has the unenviable task of telling everybody how great the world is
now, when her True Love pretty much died in her arms only days before.

Speculations on the lives of the survivors:

Rikku: Rejoined her father and the rest of the Al Bhed on board the
Airship. Now they travel the world, teaching people to use Machina and
distributing Al Bhed primers to promote the language.

Wakka: Went back to playing blitzball. The Auroch are in need of a new
Star Player, and, frankly, Yuna is no longer in need of Guardians. Talked
with Lulu about Chappu a lot, until one day they both got sick of denying
they liked each other and spontaneously ripped each other's clothes off
for some sweet, sweet lovin'.

Lulu: Opened a creepy voodoo shop to sell her collection of adorable 
weaponry. Eventually got knocked up by Wakka and married him, making him
her obedient slave for life. Bwahahahaha!

Khimari: Hooked up with a cute blitzball-playing Ronso babe for some hot
Ronso nookie, ostensibly to repopulate the species. Yes, life was
definitely good for our hornless Ronso friend.

Yuna: Was enthusiastically elected head of what remained of the Church of
Yevon. The enthusiasm dimmed somewhat when she renamed it the Church of
Tidus and ordered radical changes, such as telling people not to hate the
Al Bhed, and making learning to whistle a mandatory requirement for
becoming clergy.