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Chances are, behavior attributed to one gender is more or less present in the other. But telling people "treat others as you would want to be treated" does not sell many books other than bibles. If you do not believe me, just think about it for awhile. Think of one thing you would classify as either male or female behavior. Now try to think in the abstract for a moment. Have you selected a truly unique pattern of behavior, or a common behavior whose trappings are highly gender specific?
For instance, did you picture your wife's or girlfriend's closet full of shoes? Rack upon rack of leather, tanned and dyed different colors, twisted into elaborate shapes. Bought on sale, worn once or twice and maybe forgotten. Seems like a fair choice: as a man, you may only have three or four pairs, and you wear them regularly.
Note, though, that you have focused on the physical manifestation (strange shoes whose proper place in fashion may mystify you) rather than the root behavior. Here, hoarding, the act of collecting is described. Almost a hobby. Now picture that same patern of action with a more thematically male twist: an extensive tool set, or a trunk full of golf accessories.
Let's try debunking a male stereotype. One of my favorites is the male slob, the lazy bachelor who cleans nothing and lives in the apocryphal pig sty. First off, almost everyone knows an habitually neat man to counteract this by example, but I think we can do better by abstraction.
At root here is an unwillingness to perform basic acts of maintenance. Maybe not quite sloth, and maybe more than forgetful, but neither of these in themselves are gender specific. Care for an example of this abstract behavior manifest in gender roles? How about the woman who neglects changing the oil in her car for 6000 miles?
I invite everyone to throw some more examples at me, we can take them on one at a time together. I will advise against one whole area, however. Try not to ask me to talk about relationships, dating, or sex. Anything there will be completely anecdotal in nature. I'd rather tackle something difficult.
Most arguments for behavior differences in these areas center on bizarre behavior that "none of my [same gender] friends would ever do." To which I would have to ask, When was the last time you were romantically involved with any of your [same gender] friends? See what I mean? It's just too easy. Stick to leaving toilet seats up and killing spiders. At least then I'll have to think for a moment.
What I am trying to say here is that if something strikes you as odd about your partner, chances are you are only looking at the surface, If you try to go beyond that, it may not seem that strange. This action takes thought, however, and it leaves no one to blame. How much easier to just write off problems to irreconcilable differences forged by biology. How much easier it is to blame.
From the start one can tell that this is the same cliche set of observations ("Men don't ask for directions, women put makeup on in the car." Ha, ha, that is some brilliant comedy, there, Shakespeare) because the list far outnumbers whatever total was stated in the header. That is to say, people felt free to add their own mindless notes to the original 10 created by the anonymous author of the drivel.
They might as well. They probably have a problem with one particular member of a given sex, or some behavior to rationalize, and the stuff already there isn't all that creative. I doubt that these people are seeking grant money, though.
Also common in this sort of humor is the practice of the attached rebuttal. What started as "10 Things Men Would Never Say" now has appended to it "10 Things Women Would Never Say".
I think it is telling that in that rebuttal, one improbable statement is the same for both sides: "I think hairy butts are really sexy."
I don't mean to say that isn't funny. I find it mildly amusing. The real joke, of course, is not hairy butts, but that the same phrase appears in what should be two different lists. The humor is that this item counters the premise of the whole.
Well, hell, that's even easier to do than coming up with items that play off gender stereotypes. For a good list of them, try the George Carlin routine "Things You Never Hear Any One Say" (emphasis mine). That bit gave us the classic "Right after I shove this red hot poker up my ass, I'm going to chop my dick off!". While it uses an anatomy refernce, this is not a gender role being dusted off for easy laughs. Just substitute "arm" for "dick" and you'll see what I mean. And you certainly don't hear people say either very often.
There is plenty of good humor on the Internet. Most of it is not packaged in convenient Ken and Barbie playsets. Feel free to send some my way.
I'll pass on the male vs. female stuff, though.
Last Updated: 15 September 1997
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