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"If You Do the Math..."

 Jamie Shea, NATO spokesman, recently made the comment that some 9,000 pieces of ordinance have been dropped in Yugoslavia, and only 12 have gone astray. "If you do the math..." he ended his statement, leaving both the division and the conclusion to the audience.

The ratio works out to a mere 0.13 %, and I am so impressed by Mr. Shea's rationalization that I would like to make the following suggestions for future NATO press conferences.

  • There are dozens of embassies and consulates in Belgrade, quite possibly over 100, and NATO has only hit one by accident.

  • There are 19 nations in NATO, and thus far only two have been the targets of mass protests in China. (A respectable 11%).

  • The US defense budget in 1995 was $260 billion (2.6 x 1011 for you scientific types). The entire Yugoslav GDP for that year was $21 billion USD. (2.1 x 109 for comparison). This whole thing should be over in a matter of weeks.

There is no reason to limit this irrefutable logic to NATO forces, however. Serbia can claim that they have never meant to displace anyone from their homes anywhere in the world. With a global population of 5 billion people, and with a paltry 100,000-odd Kosovar refugees, the Yugoslav government has missed that target by only 0.002 percent!

While we are at it, some other numbers to chew on. There are only a few weeks left until the 10th anniversary of the Tiananmen square uprising. Maybe the Chinese government will regret letting thousands of people congregate in Beijing to throw paint and rocks at embassies if those mobs are still around on June 4th. Mark your calendars!

Speaking of anniversaries in June, it was on June 28th, 1914 that Archduke Ferdinand was assassinated, setting off World War I. The proverbial Balkan powder keg started it all. Has it actually been 85 years since then? You do the math.

Last Updated:9 May 1999
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