Dave Romm and David Levine 
Copyright 1996 by David E Romm
Performed live at LACon III, August 29, 1996
Note: This is how it was written, not necessarily how it was performed, and some of the spelling may be iffy. An audio tape exists. The three Keep It Moving Ceremonies and Closing Ceremonies advanced the plot; See Spat 12.5 for updates. Will post Closing Ceremonies later.)
Clicking on the small picture links to the larger picture. All pictures here were taken by Stan Burns, and there are many more pictures of LACon on his web site.
[Music: Vamp]
Dave Romm and David Levine 
Intersection Co-Chair Vince Dockerty goes backstage, *urk*
(sfx) Munching sounds.
AUDREY: (Comes out munching) Feed Me!
(re enter Dave and David)
DAVID
She's at it again!
DAVE
Whatever shall we do with Audrey III?
DAVID
I wish we hadn't brought her to the convention. I thought Roger Corman could have controlled her, but he's not here yet and now she's eaten the representative from Intersection.
DAVE
No great loss.
DAVID
But she's ruined our plans! We had this entire extravaganza prepared, and now the previous script isn't any good! (tosses pile of papers away)
DAVE: We'll just have to struggle along with these Personal Teleprompter Assistants. (waves script)
DAVID
Well, what are we going to do? Ever since I got this plant creature from the Unknown Seedlings From Outer Space Of The Month Club, we've been having problems.
DAVE
Real Girl Scout Cookies?
AUDREY
Feed me!
DAVID
Exactly. I'm pretty sure she's related to The Audrey II from the movie "Little Shop of Horrors".
DAVE
How can you be sure?
DAVID
I did a web search.
DAVE
What? You'd believe in what some yahoo tells you?
DAVID
The search confirmed the description, but I still don't know what to do. We can't just have her run around eating people. Can we?
AUDREY
Feed Me!
DAVID
She's been getting hungrier and hungrier. Now, even a kilt wearing bagpiper doesn't satisfy her craving.
DAVE
Well, we happen to have the expert in the field right here at the convention.
DAVID
Wow! What a coincidence!
DAVE
Fate is sometimes kind. Roger Corman, who directed the movie "The Little Shop of Horrors", knows as much about Audrey as anyone.
DAVID
Which is why he's not here now, eh?
DAVE
Good point. Well, at least we have his amanuensis, Bill Warren, who has followed his career and wrote Watching the Skies.
[Music: Corman]
DAVE
Well, Bill, Mr. Corman, directed Little Shop of Horrors, The Wild Angels, and has his own tv show currently, but we're mainly interested in one particular movie.
BILL
Yes, I see your problem. But I can't help you very much. It was just a movie.
DAVID
You didn't use a real people-eating plant?
BILL
Of course he did. He didn't have the budget for special effects. But our Audrey behaved, and didn't eat many of the extras. You can hear about some of Roger's experiences at Sunday at 1pm, at the panel, "Roger Corman: Have I Got A Story".
DAVE
Do you have any suggestions for us?
BILL
You might want to go see Dr. Nigel Zircon. He was an uncredited advisor to the film, and was in charge of disposing the plant after the shoot was over. I don't know what happened to him.
DAVID
Well, thanks. We'll find him.
EXIT
Good luck! (exits)
[Music: Corman]
DAVE
Have you heard of this Dr. Zircon?
DAVID
Oh yes. He's an investigator into the Parabelievable. He's famous for inventing the Magic Eye Where's Waldo. He lives in Eerie, Indiana.
DAVE
What about... them.
DAVID
The audience? What the heck, bring them along.
DAVE
Virtual Traveling music, virtual maestro!
[Music: Transition]
DAVE
Hello. What's your name.
DR. Z
I'm capacitated to say I am free of such restraints.
DAVID
Er, what?
DR. Z
Allow me to make a called for remark. Today is Glyph Day. I’m above having a name, I have a glyph.
DAVE
You mean, like the artist formerly known as...
Dr. Z
Ah, please, today we only talk in positives. He was only in it for the publicity, and wasn't a true believer. We Vegetologists like to have a special time of the year where we cleanse ourselves and be found in the winderness: We accentuate the positive, and eliminate the negative. Names have negative connotations, so we don't use them. Um, excuse me, let me rephrase: We wish to give people the opportunity to be up a creek WITH a paddle. Names remove too many options.
DAVID
And you use Glyphs.
Dr. Z
Indeed. Symbols. Every one is unique.
DAVE
Than what shall we call you?
Dr. Z
That's for you to work in. We prefer personal interaction, with savory and trustworthy characters. Consider it... an opportunity.
DAVID
But we need to call you something.
DR. Z
Why?
DAVE
(sneakily) What's the name of your glyph?
Dr. Z
Pardon?
DAVE
What do you call your glyph?
Dr. Z
Um... Lulubell.
DAVID
Well, is it okay if we refer to you by the name of your glyph?
Dr. Z
That kind of defeats the purpose of Glyph Day... but it's a very positive approach. I am gruntled and consolate.
DAVE
'Gruntled' as in...
DAVID
... not disgruntled. Stressing the positive.
Dr. Z
Exactly! We Vegetologists have mitigated gall!
DAVID
Well, um, Lulubell, were you a consultant to the original version of Little Shop of Horrors?
Dr. Z
Yes, indeed. It would be adroit of me to say so, but they were attracted to my reputation as an expert in the vegetable kingdom, so I could handle the plant. 
I gather this lovely specimen is an onshoot of the original?
AUDREY
Feed me!
Dr. Z
Yup, that's her. She's in a state of total array.
DAVE
What can you tell us about the plant?
Dr. Z
I was able to give generic advice about flesh-eating fauna, but the only person I was able to hold a candle to was from Japan. It seems the original seedlings landed there, and were incorporated into Godzilla movies. I’m supposed to be the expert, so it's skin off my nose. Alas, my help can go only so far, make bones about it.
DAVID
In a remarkable coincidence, we happen to have two experts in Japanese science fiction, right here in the audience.
Dr. Z
Oh, you mean THEM (he waves at the audience, then peers a them). And they're wearing their glyphs on those little badges. What a great idea! You'll be a sung hero! And there are experts out there?
DAVID
Yes, Takumi and Sachiko Shibano practically invented science fiction fandom in Japan, and together they have been instrumental in keeping fandom alive in that country.
DAVE
Come on up!
[Music: Takumi & Sachiko]
(Enter Shibanos from audience)
TAKUMI
[in Japanese: How can we help with this crisis?]
DAVE
Uh oh.
DAVID
Quick, break out the Universal Translator. We've got to subtitle this movie.
[Hereout, Takumi & Sachiko say something in Japanese, and Drew holds up cuecards]
TAKUMI
[repeats in Japanese: How can we help with this crisis?]
SUBTITLE
How can we help with this crisis?
DAVID
What do you know about plants and Godzilla movies?
SACHIKO
[In Japanese: The original Godzilla was a member of the vegetable kingdom.]
SUBTITLE
The original Godzilla was a member of the vegetable kingdom.
Dr. Z
The vegetable kingdom! I knew it!
DAVID
You mean, it wasn't someone in a rubber suit?
TAKUMI
[In Japanese: They didn't have the budget for special effects.]
SUBTITLE
They didn't have the budget for special effects.
DAVE
Even without special effects... where did they find this Godzilla plant?
SACHIKO
[In Japanese: Just call the Psychic Romance Hotline.]
SUBTITLE
Just call the Psychic Romance Hotline.
DAVID
The Psychic Romance Hotline? They'll be expecting my call about Godzilla?
TAKUMI
[In Japanese: There's more to Japanese science fiction than Godzilla.]
SUBTITLE
There's more to Japanese science fictiona than Godzilla.
SACHIKO
[In Japanese: As you will find out at 10 a.m. Sunday at the panel, "SF in Japan".]
SUBTITLE
As you will find out at 10 a.m. Sunday at the panel, "SF in Japan".
DAVE
Okay, thanks for the lead.
TAKUMI & SACHIKO exit.
[Music
Takumi & Shachiko]
DAVID
Well, okay, now what do we...
(David mouths) *ring*
DAVE
A phone? Did we budget for a phone on stage?
*ring*
DAVID
I guess not.
DAVE
(picks up phone) Hello?
HOTLINE: 
(Sultry) The owls are not what they seem, big boy.
DAVID
Now, wait a minute.
HOTLINE
Today will be our Independence Day, stud muffin.
DAVE
Who is this? And what are you doing after the show?
HOTLINE
We knew you were in trouble, so we called. Danger Danger, Big Willy.
DAVE
Um, okay. So what do we do about Audrey III?
HOTLINE
Well, all my hot friends are having a close encounter.
DAVE
That's for me!
DAVID
And where is this?
HOTLINE
Just access www.encounter.com. It will take you virtually where you want to go. Oh, and Lulubell, your veggies are almost done. Wouldn't want to overcook them, would you?
DR. Z
Yeow! I better go while I’m still in front of the eight ball. There’s time like the present. So long, it's been real. (exits)
DAVID
Easy for him to say.
HOTLINE
Don't call us, we'll call you. (exits)
DAVE
She seemed the baudy type.
DAVID
Yeah, about 28,800 of them. Let's see, what was that Close Encounter web site... www.encounter.com.
AUDREY
Feed me!
DAVE
That rings a bell with her. Let's not waste time trying to download the site, let's just go there.
DAVID
Can we do that?
DAVE
Never mind that now, let's go.
[music: Transition]
GRETA
Hello there! Welcome to www.encounter.com. I see you have the new Corporeal Visitation plug-in from Are We There Yet? Incorporated.
DAVE
No, we're just in a hurry.
GRETA: Whatever. Welcome to the group!
DAVID
What group is this?
GRETA
Why, an encounter group, of course. Please, make yourself at home, we were just about to begin. I’m the facilitator for the group, Greta Life. We were about to hear from Dan Keshane. Dan, will you address the group?
DAN: Thank you. My name is Dan, and I'm a placeboholic. 
[Video shows cards: All = audience cue cards as well]
ALL (but Audrey)
Hello Dan.
DAN
It started out innocently enough. I was involved in a series of government studies, and always wound up in the control group. I took... placebos. At first it was just one or two. But soon that wasn’t enough. I started taking three, four, five in a day. I thought I could handle it. Oh, people said they were harmless and they didn’t do anything. At first, I believed them. But I couldn’t stop. I... I just couldn’t. You know how it is.
ALL
Yes, we know.
DAN
Thanks. When I found out that I couldn’t control my placebo taking, I didn’t know what to do. At first, I simply denied the problem. Then I got angry with myself and the doctors who gave me the first pills. Then I tried to make deals with myself, you know, like no placebos until after the pre-game show. But that didn’t work, so I got very depressed. Finally, I accepted the situation, and started seeking help. Thanks to your help, I haven’t had a placebo in nearly three weeks!
ALL
We love you!
AUDREY
Feed Me!
DAN
Right! I can hardly wait for the meeting to end to I can get at that Champaign punch. Thanks again.
GRETA
Thanks for sharing, Dan.
DAVID
(stage whisper) When are we going to find out anything useful.
DAVE
(also a whisper) Shh. Go with the flow.
GRETA
Next is Mai Tern.
DAVID
I thought you were the facilitator, not a participant.
GRETA
Heh heh, you’re a new addition to our group, I see. Mai Tern has been part of our group and several other groups for many years. You have the floor now, Ms. Tern.
MAI
My name is Mai and I’m addicted to therapy.
ALL
Hello Mai. We love you.
MAI
(orgasmic intake of breath) I first sought out the services of a counselor a long time ago. I don’t remember why. But the counselor led to a psychologist who recommended group therapy and, well, that helped a lot. I couldn’t have done it without you.
ALL
We love you!
MAI
(orgasmic intake of breath) When my original problem was solved, or whatever, I don’t remember, I still kept coming to encounter groups. They became my life and my support system. I was going to a meeting every day, sometimes more. It didn’t matter what group
Alcoholics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, Co-Dependency groups, Sexual Deviance Encounter Groups, Tough Love, Precinct Caucuses, it didn’t matter. I tried not coming to a meeting once, and I got the shakes.
ALL
Ooohh!
MAI
Aah! This is what I live for!
GRETA
So, have you solved your problem?
MAI
What problem?
GRETA
If you don’t have a problem, why are you here?
MAI
Haven’t you been listening? I like coming to meetings.
GRETA
But isn’t that an addiction? Wouldn’t you like to overcome your dependency on support groups?
MAI
Yes! Yes I would. But I can’t do it alone. Is there a group for that? When do they meet?
GRETA
Er, I’ll get back to you. It’s time for the next person. You may sit down.
MAI
But I’ve got to thank the group first. Thank you all so much!
ALL
Thanks for sharing. We love you!
AUDREY
Feed me. Feed me! Feed ME!!
GRETA
All right then, you're next. Go on. Don't be shy. We're all friends here.
DAVE
The ones she hasn't eaten, anyway.
GRETA
Don't interrupt the process. C'mon, sweetie, open up.
AUDREY
(Confidently) Feed me!
ALL
We love you.
AUDREY
(Sadly) Feed me.
ALL
(Greta nudges Dave and David) Thanks for sharing.
AUDREY
(Forlorn) Help me.
GRETA
A breakthrough!
DAVE
Yes, but that's the wrong movie.
DAVID
No, that's the answer!
GRETA
We're not interested in answers here, just so long as you admit your problem.
DAVID
Don't you see? Look. If someone's addicted to fake medicine, where do they get it?
DAVE
Uh... a fake hospital?
DAVID
Right! And if someone is addicted to encounter groups, where would they go?
GRETA
Our Encounter Crisis Center. We're applying for a religious tax exemption, based on our Cult of Victimization.
DAVE
No! They'd go to where a whole bunch of people are making up problems no one really cares about.
DAVID
Right. Where people are not necessarily what they seem...
DAVE
...And are removing parts they don't like. Where they're making movies...
DAVID
...Or... REmaking them! And with live people, to interact with. Exactly!
GRETA
That sounds just like where we should hold these sessions! Oh, my self-esteem is high! But... where do we find such a place?
DAVE
Well, it so happens we have the world's expert in remaking movies, right here in the audience.
GRETA
What a mind-boggling confluence of improbabilities!
DAVID
Connie Willis is up for a Hugo for her novel, Remake, and has several award-winning stories and novels.
[Music: Connie ]
CONNIE
How can I help.
DAVE
You could tell us how we can get to a place that specializes in creating illusions.
CONNIE
Just down the road, make a left at the sign...
DAVID
No, BESIDES Hollywood.
CONNIE
Oh. Well. I'm not sure if it's what you want, but you could always go to the R.E.
DAVE
You mean, E.R.?
CONNIE
No, the R.E. As in REmake. ER stole the idea from me, and I want royalties.
DAVID
Really?
CONNIE
Well, no, but my agent is working on it. You never can tell in this town. I'll probably talk about Remake, even though it's too late to influence the Hugo ballots.
DAVE
But you think the R.E. can help.
CONNIE
Maybe. It can't help everyone, but maybe it will give you a Referral.
(ad lib: They made me say this!) (exits)
DAVE
Thanks!
[Music: Connie]
DAVID
Onward
[Music: Fade from Connie to Transition]
NURSE
Yes, may I redirect you?
DAVE
Excuse me, but is this the R.E.?
NURSE
We resemble that remark.
DAVID
I guess that answers that.
NURSE
Let me refer you to the reputable attending physician.
DAVE
What's her name?
NURSE
I am remiss. She doesn't have one. At least, not today. You see today is...
DAVID
(cringing) ...Glyph Day?
NURSE
It's regarding her religion.
DAVE
Whatever. Can you get her here?
NURSE
You have to ask with the proper respect due the R.E.
DAVID
Um... can you relay the doctor to this, um, region?
NURSE
Ver-RE good.
DAVE
(impatiently) And tell her to move her derREierre.
NURSE
Humph!
(sfx: beep)
[Doctor enters]
DOCTOR
Glad to see you, my new friends! Stay awhile, there's time like the present.
NURSE
Do you remain on call?
DOCTOR
Yes, I'm in to lunch.
NURSE: Then I remand these people, er, these beings to your custody.
DOCTOR
How corrigible and cephalic of you!
DAVE
So, Doctor, what's your sign?
DOCTOR
Waiting Room.
DAVID
No, what's the name of your glyph?
DOCTOR
Ah... Cadusseus.
DAVE
Good! That's what we'll call you, Dr. Cadusseus.
DOCTOR
That's clever, and keeping with the positive spirit of Glyph Day. How overhanded and above contempt!
DAVE
Be that as it may...
DOCTOR
...and it most assuredly is!
DAVE
... we have a problem with this plant here.
AUDREY
See me. Hear me. Touch me. Feed me.
DOCTOR
Well, you came to the right place. This is definitely within the bailiwick of Vegetology. Wait until I present my paper, I'll be an incast!
DAVE
I don't understand at all. What does your religion have to do with it?
DOCTOR
You see, most Western religious thought, from Moses to Jesus to L. Ron Hubbard to Tony Robbins, can be summed up by the admonition, "Don't just sit there, do something." Meanwhile, most Eastern religions, from Buddha to Lao Tsu to Confucious to Ghandi, can be summed up by the admonition, "Don't just do something, sit there."
Vegetology takes a completely different approach. Our philosophy is, "You are what you eat." Everyone is associated with a vegetable, a spice and a condiment. I'm an apple, cinnamon, dill dip.
DAVID
Isn't apple a fruit, not a vegetable?
DOCTOR
Some of the more orthodox Vegetologists are quietly inspoken about the Fruitarian Heresy. The more establishmentarian of us open ranks to whatever our peristalsis can handle.
DAVE
I'm not sure I want to dig that deeply into your theology.
DOCTOR
It means we can treat a wide range of living organisms, such as your friend, here.
DAVID
What IS her problem?
AUDREY
Feed me!
DOCTOR
(pause) She's hungry.
DAVE
We KNOW that, doc. The problem is that she only eats human flesh. Live human flesh.
DOCTOR
That prognosis is consistent with her phenotype. We had an angel of a time getting that Godzilla plant to be on our side. Why I remember...
DAVID
Wait! You mean, you know of her species?
DOCTOR
Even we Vegetologists have our limits. The problem is that she's not from Earth, and so my medical training didn't cover her pathology.
DAVE
But you recognized her, pretty quickly.
DOCTOR
Hmm... we had one guest lecturer, a Dr. Conway from, I think, Sector General. He did a very brief overview of extraterrestrials. I don't remember much about the lecture, though. I wonder how you could contact that place again?
DAVID
Well, it so happens we have the world's... indeed, the galaxy's... expert on Sector General right here in the audience.
DOCTOR
What an astonishing coincidence! But how appropriate to Glyph Day. A natural aster! I'm combobulated!
DAVID
Thanks for your help!
DOCTOR
Be a stranger!
(Doctor exits)
DAVE
That which doesn't thrill me makes me stranger.
DAVID
James White has written several books about Sector General and the medical personnel, including the latest one, The Galactic Gourmet. He a longtime member of Irish fandom. Let's get him up here.
[Music: James White]
JAMES
My goodness, what a mess!
DAVE
She's not a very tidy eater, no.
DAVID
Never mind that. I thought Sector General was fiction.
JAMES: Oh no, I used a real model. I took some liberties for my novels, of course, but it was much easier to start off with something I was familiar with.
DAVE
How do we get Audrey there?
JAMES
I'm afraid travel between Earth and Sector General is slow at the moment. Something about them not wanting to get Mad Cow Disease.
DAVID
They could just boycott tainted meat.
JAMES
They think the affliction is more widespread, and during an election, who can blame them?
DAVE
Good point. But... if normal channels are cut off, how can we save Audrey?
JAMES
There's one person who knows all the answers. I use him extensively whenever I need a fact checked out. I don't know if he can help, but if anyone knows, he does. He's the Barsoomian reference librarian, Deep Thoat.
[sfx: library beeps]
DAVID
Yes, I've found the url for the Barsoom Library. Let's go.
JAMES
I'm not going with you, but you can hear more about Sector General on Saturday at 5
30 on the panel "The Works of James White". (ad lib: The only reason I agreed to do this was for the plug.)
[James exits]
[Music: James White. Fade to Transition music.]
(Library atmosphere.)
DAVID
Hello, is this the reference desk?
DEEP
Indeed it is. How can I be of service?
DAVE
(pause) Mars has a reference desk? I know there was life on Mars, but wasn’t it rather, er, unicellular?
DEEP
There may not be intelligent life on Mars now, but there will be someday. And when intelligent life appears, they will have an information infrastructure in place.
DAVID
That's a rather uplifting thought.
DAVE
Yes, but that's the wrong book.
AUDREY
Feed Me!
DAVID
Anyway, we have some questions for you.
DEEP
I can answer any question you may have, if you'll take 'I don't know' for an answer.
DAVE
ANY question?
DEEP
I know many things occluded from mere mortals. The arcane and the occult are no mystery to me. I am... A Reference Librarian! (pause) Just ask.
[this section goes quick]
DAVID
Okay... is Elvis alive?
DEEP
(authoritatively) No. (pause) Next question.
DAVID
Does the Loch Ness Monster exist?
DEEP
No.
DAVID
Who killed JFK.
DEEP
Lee Harvey Oswald.
DAVID
Aw, c'mon. Tell us the truth.
DEEP
(in best Jack Nicholson voice) Truth? You can't handle the truth.
DAVID
Yes we can! Tell us why?
DEEP
(Angrily) Oswald was a bad person. Jeez.
DAVE
Why is the sky blue?
DEEP
Dust. This isn't rocket science, you know.
DAVE
What do women want?
DEEP
Security, companionship and romance, not necessarily in that order, though it varies by individual.
DAVID
Is it hotter in Philadelphia or in the summer.
DEEP
No.
DAVE
That's not a very good answer.
DEEP
That's not a very good question. You can't get good answers asking bad questions. Be specific.
DAVE
Are crop circles evidence of alien visitation?
DEEP
Nope. Farmers playing a joke on the world.
DAVE
Have we been visited by aliens?
DEEP
Just Sector General.
AUDREY
Feed Me!
DEEP: And the pesky Unknown Seedlings From Outer Space of the Month Club.
DAVID
Well! Now we're getting somewhere! How do we get to Sector General?
DEEP
The regular channels have been closed.
DAVE
But the transportation mechanisms exist?
DEEP
They've been decentralized, downsized and outsourced. It would take a major effort to get the channels open again.
DAVID
Who can we get that is exceptionally good at pulling together vastly divergent cultures and viewpoints, organizing an entire hierarchy while keeping everyone operating at peak efficiency?
DEEP
Um, that would be Elsie Wollheim.
DAVID
Let's get her! Where is she? [peers into the audience]
DEEP
I'm afraid she's... unavailable.
DAVE
Damn! I miss her already! [pause] The whole In Memoriam page is too long.
DAVID
But what are our other options?
AUDREY
[plaintively] Feed me! Feed me?
DAVE
It sounds bad. We better hurry. There's time to lose!
DAVID
Not you too?
DAVE
Sorry.
DEEP
Hmm... let me check...
[sfx: library beeps]
DEEP
A search of The Guide to Heroic Literature comes up with one possibility.
DAVE
At this point, we'll take it.
DEEP
There's a band of intrepid adventures. known as...
[Theme music up]
DEEP
(Announcing) Captain Audio and the Space Cassettes!
DAVID
How can we contact them?
DEEP
Well, you see, this IS rocket science, and I've already pulled out the microfiche and...
CAPT. AUDIO
We're here! And just in time!
DEEP
My work here is done.
[Deep Thoat exits]
DAVE
Captain Audio, can you get us to Sector General?
CAPT. AUDIO
Ha! Can we?
Space Cassettes, reel off. Forward!
FORWARD
Here!
CAPT. AUDIO
Dolby!
CAPT. AUDIO
Rewind! (pause) Rewind?
DAVE
Maybe she's in the R.E.
DAVID
No, we're in too much of a hurry to wait for everyone to get organized.
CAPT. AUDIO
DAT? Bias? Chrome? I can make use of you two, but without a full compliment of trained crew members, I'll never get the Wooferships Scotch & Sony off the ground.
DAVE
You have the ship?
DOLBY
In perfect condition.
DAVID
And you can take us to Sector General?
FORWARD
And back before you can say Retro Hugos!
CAPT. AUDIO
The problem is propulsion. We just don't have the oomph.
DAVE
Well, it so happens we have the world's experts in oomph right here in the audience.
CAPT. AUDIO
We do?
DAVID
Yes! What's the main component of interstellar fuel?
FORWARD
Sensawonda!
DAVE
Exactly! So our expert in the audience is...
DAVID
The audience!
DAVE
So our interstellar system is the Worldcon Audience Repellatron Propulsion Drive.
DAVID
WARP Drive it is.
CAPT. AUDIO
We made it!
SECTOR GENERAL
Yes, Can I help you?
DAVE
We have a problem with this alien here. Can you fix her?
SG
Hmm... most of the people who understand this species are on Earth, at some sort of conference or convention or somesuch. Frivolity, ever frivolity, alas.
DAVID
Now wait just a second...
DAVE
(muttering) There's no place like home.
SG
No, you're in luck. They haven't left yet. But you'll have to sit here in the waiting room until they're done with their patient.
DAVE
How long will we have to wait?
SG
Oh, a few days maybe.
DAVID
But in the meantime...
SG
In the meantime, your, er, patient is in good hands, and we'll let you know just as soon as anything happens.
DAVE
Like... at the Keep It Moving Ceremonies? We'll be appearing at various spots during the con. Watch for us.
DAVID
Or Closing Ceremonies? 4 p.m. Monday. Perhaps this whole mess of a plotline will be resolved.
SG
Exactly. So for now...
AUDREY
Consuite!
[Music
transition/main theme, starts low and continues under dialogue]
DAVE
Ladies and gentlemen...
DAVID
...and others...
DAVE
...I hope we can solve this problem by Closing Ceremonies...
DAVID
...but in the meantime we're going to stash Audrey away...
DAVE
...and head off to the Ice Cream Social...
DAVID
...and the rest of LACon III.
DAVE
The cast of the LACon players is included but not limited to
Dave Romm
David Levine
Marc Wells
Janice Gelb
Jerry Gelb
Dr. Marsha McCoy
Drew Sanders
Jim Young
Chris O'Shea
Laura Krentz
and Patty Wells as Audrey
Audrey Costume by Kathy Saunders
Music by Ryan Alexander
With special appearances by Bill Warren, Takumi and Sachiko Shibano, Connie Willis and James White.
Thanks to the tech crew and LACon III for helping to make this happen!
DAVID
Now, go away.
[Music: Fade from Theme to Vamp as audience is leaving.]
Return to Dave Romm's Home Page.
send mail to David E Romm
(Dave goes down to Bill)
(Dr. Z Enters.)
DOLBY: Here!