I can only hope that the BocceBowl boys look something like this. If anyone knows who they are, point 'em my way, will ya? (ridesmart <at> gmail <dot> com) We need to hook up for a tournament.

Official "BocceBowl" Rules

I found a few kindred souls on the Web at BocceBowl.com. Some of their creations are obviously both ingenious and creative.

None of their damn e-mails were valid but I'm not holding that against them. Not unlike Debaucheryball, but clever in its own right. Enjoy.

BocceBowl is played with eight large balls and one smaller target or object ball called the nubbin. There are four balls to a side or team and they are made in two or four colors to distinguish the balls of one team from the four balls of the opposing team. Scoring is determined after each frame, and rounds are played up to 11, and you must win by 2 points. Please consult the terminology section [at right] for any unknown BocceBowl lingo.

Determination of first nubbin toss and color: A shamble (rock, scissors, paper) between designated captains on each team will determine which team has the first nubbin throw and which color balls each team throws for the match. If the winning captain selects a color, the other team has first nubbin throw. If the winning captain selects first nubbin throw, the other captain selects the color.

Game Play: The the nubbin is thrown by a player from the team determined [that won the shamble.] We will call them Team A. A player from Team B (team that doesn't have first nubbin toss) then throws his/her ball towards the nubbin. A player from Team A then throws. After this throw, whichever team does not have their ball nearest to the nubbin throws next. This "nearest ball" rule governs the sequence of thrown balls. The side whose bocce is the closest to the nubbin is called the "in" ball and the opposing side the "out" ball. Whenever a team gets "in" it steps aside and allows the "out" team to throw. This continues until all eight bocce balls have been thrown.

Scoring: At the end of each frame (when both teams have exhausted four balls each), a designated official or mutual agreement between teams will determine the points scored. Scoring points are all those balls of one team closer to the nubbin than the closest ball of the opposing team,which can be determined by visual inspection, tape measure/yardstick, or foot walk-off.

Continued Game Play: For nubbin throwing, the toss is alternated between teams from the previous frame. The nubbin toss is also alternated between teammates. Determination of first bocce ball throw hereafter is determined just like golf. The team that scored the best on the previous frame or in the case of a draw, the frame before that or whichever team had "honors" in the first frame.

Miscellaneous: If any ball is broken during a throw, the larger portion of the ball is in play. This is true for the throwing balls and also the nubbin. Determination of repair of that ball for next [game] is made mutually between teams. They may also agree to continue using one of the remaining portions of the ball. Those familiar with the asscrack ball know what I'm talking about.

Overhand throws are illegal, and violators of this rule must perform 20 hee-haws.

BocceBowl Terminology

Ass Crack Ball: Ball that resembles someone's ass, because it's got two "cheeks" chipped away from it.

Berries: The blue balls.

Bombing: Style of bocce throw where player throws bocce balls high with backspin.

Bowling: Style of bocce throw where player throws close to the ground, much in the style of a bowler.

Cheeries: The red balls.

Cock Block: When a player's ball is having sex with the nubbin, and opposing ball denies further sexual intercourse with the ball. The opposing ball then may proceed to have sex or oral sex with the nubbin.

The Deucer: When a team scores 2 points on one nubbin toss.

The Four Bagger: The perfect round. When a team scores 4 points on one nubbin toss.

Gully Ball: A player's ball has ended up in the dreaded gully.

Half-ass Nubbin: Nubbin that has been cracked in half.

Hee-haw: Usually performed as a penalty, involves doing a hand stand and kicking up your legs while bellowing "hee-haw."

Mellons: (not officially accepted) The yellow balls.

Menage A Trois: This situation occurs when three players' balls are gettin it on with the nubbin.

Naners: (not officially accepted) The yellow balls.

Nubbin: Otherwise known as the pallino, the target ball for all to throw at. Hereafter referred to as the nubbin.

Oral Sex: Occurs when a player's ball comes within inches of a sex ball, and has to settle for a little oral action.

Sex Ball (the perfect shot): A player's ball makes contact with the nubbin and remains in contact while at rest.

Sex on the Run: A player's ball hits the nubbin, but continues to another destination after it's sexual rendezvous.

Sexplosion: Occurs when the nubbin is bombed and gets cracked in half... Only known to happen once in boccebowl history on April 27th, 2002.

Shooters: The green balls.

Trifecta: When a team scores 3 points on one nubbin toss.