It is with sadness that I bring you the news
that the Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast
infection and complications from repeated pokes to the
belly. He was 71. 

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. 
Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs.
Butterworth, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the 
Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch, Baby Ruth and many 
others. 

The graveside was piled high with flour arrangements, 
as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, 
describing Doughboy as a man who "Never knew how 
much he was Kneaded." 

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later 
life was filled with many turnovers. He was not
considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his 
dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty 
old man, he was able to rise to the occasion, and was 
a roll model for millions. 

Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. 
They have two children, Cookies and Cream, and one in 
the oven. 

The funeral was held at 3:50 for 20 minutes.