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                        August 12, 1997  
  
  
    The Top 15 Ways To Send Packages During the UPS Strike  
  
  
15> Use FedEx's new "Not Very Important" class.  
  
14> Looks like that battalion of army ants you've been training 
    can be used for more than just conquering the world.  
  
13> Mark package "For Clinton Defense Fund" and give it to any
    Chinese dude.  
  
12> Throw them in Santa's sleigh, then mark out the pages in his
    Filofax up to December 24th.  
  
11> Dress it up as a woman, place it on a street corner, wait for
    Eddie Murphy.  
  
10> First: Lash package to Frank Gifford's back.  Next: Tie 
    Frank Gifford to rocket.  Finally: Re-run hotel room video 
    for Kathie Lee.  
  
 9> Use "TeamsterMail" -- Wrap it in newspaper with a dead fish.
  
 8> "Hey Jimmy, instead of cutting my grass this week, how'd you
    like to ride your bike to Chicago?"  
  
 7> For quick shuttle between Boulder and Brentwood, stick it in
    Geraldo's video truck.  
  
 6> Hands Across America II  
  
 5> Wrap it around a pipe bomb and wait for Richard Jewell to 
    pick it up.  
  
 4> "Pony Express '97" -- Actually just three guys and a Ford
    Mustang.  
  
 3> In New York City:  carrier rat  
  
 2> Two words: Big-ass slingshot  
  
  
 and the Number 1 Way To Send Packages During the UPS Strike...
  
  
 1> With my "package", I alone do the deliverin', if you know 
    what I mean.  
  
  
[ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]
[ The Top Five List   top5@walrus.com   http://www.topfive.com ]
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