Beeps Burned
Features
A Bump in the Night
Beeps' Burning
The Big Bear
They made their first camp on Disappointment Lake on Saturday night. Sunday they moved to Ima Lake. After they pitched their tents and hung their food they decided to go for a swim. Paco was one of the last ones into the water. In fact, as the rest of them changed into their swimwear and entered the water, Paco just sat there leaning against a tree. He was wearing his favorite "Ernie" pants and a new, wide-brimmed canvas hat. He had devised an elaborate system of strings and clips which kept his hat attached to his suspenders in case a strong wind should come up and blow it off his head. He sat watching everyone splashing and playing in the water. Kegger had his new video camera set up on a tripod to record the action, which consisted mostly of each one, in his turn, running up to the edge of a rock ledge at the shore and jumping into the water. Suddenly, Paco jumped up, turned to look into the camera and shouted, "You guys look like you're having so much fun, I think I'll join you!"
He ran toward the water and leapt in wearing all his clothes. His leap was spectacular and he made a very big splash as he plunged below the surface. Of course, they all knew he did it for the camera and they all laughed. He surfaced and swam around for a awhile as they congratulated him on his comedic prowess. After a minute or two, someone said, "Hey Bill! Where's yer glasses?"
Paco blinked and felt his face. No glasses. He fumbled in the cords of his hat security system. No glasses but his hat was safe. "Oh shit." he said. "Did I leave them by the tree?" he asked with hope. Someone went to check but the glasses were not there. They did some diving to try and find them. They even rewound the video tape and played it back through the viewfinder to see if they could pinpoint the spot at which he entered the water. But they never found his glasses. Lacking any backup, Paco endured the rest of the trip visually impaired.
Later that night, Kamala hunted frogs in the dark. As he crept stealthily along the shoreline, he heard the sound of the women gathering together for a trek to the latrine. They always made such excursions as a group. Kamala could hear them in the woods as they giggled and took turns at the throne. Suddenly, he had an idea. He walked quickly and quietly along the shore until he came to a point about 30 feet from the latrine on the side opposite the campsite. He crouched down in the dark and crawled through the brush until he was just a couple of yards from their little group. He made some grunting noises and thrashed at some branches. The commotion that followed was truly marvelous. A chorus of screams and shouts erupted as the women scrambled down the path, literally falling over each other. Kamala made his back to the shore away from camp and could hear the excited conversation back at the campsite. He took his time returning, thinking that it might raise suspicion upon him if he appeared too soon after the incident. He heard accusations being leveled at the men who had been sitting quietly at camp during the scare. Oh, this was rich. Each one denied any knowledge of any scare plot. And of course, they were truthful. Kamala grabbed a few frogs and walked back into camp just as the women noticed he hadn't been sitting with the other men. They immediately began interrogating him. He suggested it was probably just a squirrel or something and showed off his frogs to the fishermen. "No, NO! That was no squirrel!" they insisted, "It was one of you guys!" Kamala explained that he had been hunting frogs and had heard nothing. Yoobs grabbed Hastala by the ear and began pulling and twisting it but he didn't know anything. Kamala could hardly contain himself. After awhile they calmed down and everyone went to bed.
The next day the men got up early and went fishing for some breakfast. They were out for several hours and didn't return until afternoon. Kamala caught a three and a half pound northern and they planned to make an instructional video regarding the now famous five filet method. The women had grown impatient for food. But all things in their own time. It took some time to make the video; each shot had to be planned and the dialog discussed beforehand. (They had never before attempted anything of such grand scale!) Needless to say, the preparation of their first meal that day was delayed even further as they moved the camera and tripod to different "sets". This exacerbated the frustration of some. At one point, Paco tried to slyly pilfer one of Yoobs' cigarettes. She flew at him brandishing a bundle of kindling, and beat him over the back with it. Finally, they cooked the fish and ate. Things settled down a little after that.
As night fell, they had a few drinks around the campfire. It was a beautiful clear night. The full moon shone brightly and a shimmering silver streak reflected on the water. Soon, everyone went to bed with the exception of Kamala, Hastala, Beeps and Yoobs. Kamala decided to take a dip in the moonlit waters. Then Beeps decided to go for a swim as well. Hastala stood by with his flashlight to act a sort of lifeguard. After Kamala got out of the water, he heartily stoked the fire for warmth. Soon the fire was blazing. The flames shot a few feet above the grate. Soon, Beeps came out of the darkness toward the fire. Kamala moved over on the log bench to make room for her to sit down and get warm. Then she tripped. Suddenly she was lying on her back on the fire grate. Flames rose all around her. She made no sound. She rolled back and forth trying to get off but rocks piled high at each end trapped her. She tried to push off with her hands but the grate was too hot. Time froze for Kamala as he watched. Then Hastala ran up and said, "Bill, let's get her off of there." Time unfroze and began moving again as if shot from a cannon. Kamala jumped up and he and Hastala each grabbed an arm, lifted her out of the fire and ran her down to the lake and immersed her in the cool water.
Beeps had received massive second degree burns all over her back and down one side. Their first aid kit was grossly inadequate to handle an injury of this magnitude. There was a small tube of some all-purpose salve and Yoobs applied this to the worst areas. Ordinarily, any person injured in this way would be whisked away by an ambulance to the emergency room of a hospital. But this was not possible for Beeps. Luckily, Yoobs had the knowledge and experience of a registered nurse and Hastala had some training in emergency situations. Beeps was put to bed and the three of them all agreed that she would have to leave in the morning.
When morning came, the first thing they had to do was inform all the others about what had happened during the night. Needless to say, everyone was shocked. They made some breakfast while Yoobs and Tadhead took Beeps for another bath. After she was cleaned up she was bandaged with strips of torn T-shirts and duct tape.
After they ate, it was decided that Hastala, Yoobs and Tadhead would take Beeps home. They would take Tadhead's Olds and two of the canoes. Tûr and Kamala would guide them to the shore of Snowbank Lake while Paco and Kegger waited at the Ima campsite. Beeps seemed to be doing pretty well. But the makeshift bandages were coming off and they all knew that the danger of infection was great. They paused briefly on the shore of Ahsub Lake to eat some jerky.
After they crossed the portage from Disappointment Lake to Snowbank, Kamala and Tûr bid farewell to the departees. They directed them to the landing and just before they were out of earshot Kamala yelled, "Oh, by the way, I'm sorry about scaring you last night!" Tûr and Kamala listened to the women's curses fade into the distance.
They turned around and began their trek back to the campsite where Paco and Kegger were waiting. They sighted two moose across the waters of Disappointment Lake as they launched their canoes from the portage landing. They made excellent time since they carried no load whatsoever. They practically jogged across the portages. They arrived at the campsite just as dusk fell. Paco and Kegger had a welcoming fire burning. They sat in the pale light of the full moon revising their trip plan. They had planned to be on Thomas by now. They would have to make it to Strup tomorrow if they were to get back on schedule. Considering the reduced group size, that would not be a problem.
They got up early and after a light breakfast, set out on a ten mile trip. It was cloudy and began to rain before they left Ima Lake. When they reached Thomas Lake it began to clear up and was downright sunny while they crossed Fraser Lake. As they neared the portage to Gerund, they could see two canoes near the landing. When they got closer they recognized Vic and Bill, who were friends of Rusty. They lingered and chatted with them for a while before each party went their own way.
They arrived on Strup Lake just before sunset. The favorite site they stayed at while on the Ely Blockade trip was vacant and they laid claim to it immediately. They lounged on the terrace for awhile sipping cocktails in the last orange rays of the setting sun. Just before dusk they went fishing and while their yield was not as great as in previous visits, they had enough smallies for a meal.
After supper they discussed further revisions to their plan. They had about twenty miles or more to travel to the landing. They determined that it would be shorter to turn west before reaching South Arm Knife Lake. This allowed them to spend one more day on their beloved Strup Lake. That night they stayed up late.
Tûr and Kegger got up early and went fishing. Kamala chose to stay in his sleeping bag. The sun was shining brightly when he finally rose. He sat on the terrace and had a few drinks while enjoying the sheer beauty of the place. Paco still slept soundly. The two early birds returned with a few bronzebacks and they ate them with pancakes. The rest of the day was spent leisurely. They fished on and off and, of course, enjoyed the view from and the comfort of the high altitude latrine. Tomorrow would be a long day so they retired relatively early.
Friday morning the sky was overcast and a light drizzle was falling. After a quick breakfast they made for the portage to Kekekabic Lake. A strong wind whipped up whitecaps on the water. They paddled steadfastly toward the Pickle Lake portage landing. There they met a group of six women but wasted no time chatting. The weather was getting worse. They made eight portages that day, the longest being 224 rods. By the time they reached Vera Lake the drizzle of the morning had become a driving rain. Each canoe had an inch or more of water inside. In short, they were soaked! They selected a campsite and began to gather firewood. It took a couple of hours of tedious work drying kindling and firewood, but they eventually got a blaze roaring. It felt good. Tûr heated some stones and placed them in their boots to aid in drying them out. They ate and went to bed. It was here on Vera Lake that they encountered the Plastic Pooper for the first time.
The rain quit sometime during the night and, when morning came, the last clouds of the storm yielded to a pure blue sky. They studied their maps and determined that they could stay there another day. They had planned to move closer to Snowbank Lake for Saturday night's camp but figured they were close enough already. That day the bar opened early. It was a particularly beautiful day and Kamala began to wax philosophical. The others became annoyed with him and presented a small stone to him, admonishing, "If yer gonna talk like that, ya need ta hold onta this stone all the time!" Well, they must have thought that Kamala would forget to hold onto the stone and they could then tell him to shut up. But Kamala forgot not. So they changed the rules. That is, they changed the stone. Over to him Tûr carried a fifty pound boulder and said, "Here. This is your philosopher's stone!" Kamala accepted it and hefted it up onto his shoulder and kept right on blabbering. Kegger was video taping the lecture and when Kamala reached the conclusion of his impromptu dissertation, he lobbed the rock in the direction of the tripod mounted camera. "Whoa! Watch it!" yelled Kegger. But no damage was done and Kamala had gotten it, whatever it was, out of his system.
Since the video camera was set up and rolling they decided to record a tribute to Beeps. It is sung as a round to the tune of Frerre Jacques.
Beeps's Burning
Beeps's burning, Beeps's burning
On her thighs, on her thighs
Fell upon the fire grate, fell upon the fire grate
Bye bye bye, bye bye bye.
They went fishing before dusk came and Kegger nearly received a serious injury as he attempted to board the canoe. He slipped backwards and landed flat on his back across a huge rock. Luckily it was a fairly flat rock. Few people can, by the simple act of tripping or slipping, gain more air through which to fall than Kegger. He was sore but okay. Kamala stayed out fishing until well after dark but caught nothing more than one worthless little perch. They ate their last meal and hung up the food pack. There was very little food left in the pack; a few packages of oatmeal, some squeeze Parkay, oil and condiments. The pack was hung just high enough to be out of reach of any of them. This is usually sufficient protection from bears, but this night they got a BIG ONE!
Inside the tent, Tûr nudged Kamala and said, "I think we got a bear."
Kamala groggily raised his head and replied, "Huh?" He listened and heard nothing. They remained silent for a few moments and then there was a sound.
"There!" Tûr whispered.
"That didn't sound like a bear," Kamala said.
"It's the ropes!" urged Tûr as he climbed out of his sleeping bag. Kamala was awake now. He grabbed his flashlight and followed Tûr out the tent door. They walked quietly to where the food pack was hung and toward it shined their lights. Sure enough, there it was. A big black bear. I must have weighed 600 pounds. It sood on its hind legs, head in the tree and, while it grasped the pack with its front paws, poked its snout into the pack. It grunted and glanced toward the two men. They looked at each other and saw that they were naked. They were unashamed. In unison, they bent down and picked up some small stones off the ground. They threw the stones at the bear and yelled loudly. Like a shot it bolted away from the campsite. They listened as the sound of it crashing through the woods faded. They looked at each other, exchanged Bill Gannon nods, and went back to bed. They couldn't have been asleep for very long before they were awakened again by the sound of nylon cord being stretched to its limit. Again they crawled out of the tent and armed themselves with many stones as they neared the food pack tree. Again they yelled and threw stones. Again the bear ran away. But as they scanned the area with their lights, they saw that it had only run as far as the edge of the clearing that surrounded the fire grate. Its eyes glinted green in the beams of their flashlights and they fired more stony missiles toward it. Again they heard it crash through the brush until all was quiet. They returned to the tent. Only once more were they called from their slumber to protect not so much their food as their pack. This time as the bear retreated to the edge of the clearing they used a form of azimuth and altitude ranging to aim a formidable and relentless barrage of stones. The first rays of dawn were upon them as they returned to the tent.
In the morning they inspected the pack for damage and took a food inventory. The pack was sound and the oatmeal remained. They searched the woods and found the squeeze Parkay and the oil. They ate and then left.
They traveled almost ten miles and portaged four times, (a total of 465 rods), before they reached Snowbank Lake. The wind was very strong. They had to cross the lake the long way and directly into the wind. At one point they didn't move for twenty minutes even though they paddled as hard as they could. They finally reached the landing and headed for the A&W in Ely. From there, Tûr called home to check on Beeps. There was no answer. But that's another story.
