The Fall online - The Fall Press Kit

the Fall press kit updated 24 October 2007

A resource for bastard lazy journalists by "International Megastar" Mike Major

Prior to now, constructing a publishable article on The Fall was one of the most difficult tasks the modern music critic might face. The most common strategy employed when reviewing the work of The Fall was to rigidly follow the Bog-Standard Method. Developed in the 1980s as a cooperative effort of the major music weeklies in the UK, the Bog-Standard Method at last made it possible for a clever journalist to construct marketable reviews, features, career retrospectives, and even interviews simply by adhering to a range of well-defined rules and structures. The beauty of that system was that it could be applied to any past, present, or future Fall release without the tiresome requirement of having ever heard the record in question.

Bog-Standard Form is classified as meeting these three fundamental rules:

[1] The Fall group have put out a lot of records out (too many to count). This is a fact and must not only be stated but blatantly exaggerated.
[2] The music on any Fall record is repetitive and noisy; the vocals are shouted gibberish. This is a fact and your readership must be made aware of it.
[3] Mark Smith is perpetually drunk, very ill-tempered and swears constantly. This is a fact and must be strongly emphasized.

Articles of the Extended Bog-Standard variety may be distinguished by the following supplementary guidelines:

[4] The Fall group change line-ups all the time. Average length of career with the group is four and a half months (shorter for drummers).
[5] Use of the word curmudgeon to describe Smith is highly recommended (preferably more than once).
[6] It used to be you could get something in The Face or NME just by writing that The Fall don't know how to dress.
[7] Your article's best angle is going to be that The Fall is "not as good as it used to be." This can be slyly and indirectly pointed out by making a favorable (wildly inaccurate) comparison of the new release to some earlier (superior) work.

Here is a useful form to help you make a start on an introductory paragraph

The Fall's new release, , is their record after years and as many line-up changes. Best described as of , the album finds Mark E. Smith after , and now leading in what must be the since

And see below for randomizable descriptions of Mark E. Smith for use throughout your article.

Note: You should not consider it poor form to refer to him as "a curmudgeon" more than once. In fact, your piece may even be seen as light weight if the 'curmudgeon to total words ratio' is less than 1/25.

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The Fall Review kit by Mike Major (proposed first by Stuart Mackie) is public service to all journos at quality broadsheets.